11 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy

I don’t even really know what to write here, as you can see from the title I’m 11 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy. The day I found out I never thought I’m not going to have a child straight away it was “I’m going to have a baby how the hell am i meant to do this?”

God has a plan for us all.

Two years ago my virginity was cruelly taken away from me, however i was yet to loose my faith. It started disappearing slowly i began blaming God for what happened and finally i lost my faith all together. However the day i found out i was pregnant I turned back to the Lord realizing that he alone could save me, he alone had written this all in his plan, i realized I’m not in control God is and he was given me this amazing blessing a chance to bring life into this world to raise my beautiful child give her/him a chance to live, a chance to do good and all i felt was love and that’s what i feel now since returning to my faith.

My Ex tried to get me to have an abortion i even went to the first appointment but I already knew this was my child and I told the lady I didn’t want to do it, she sent me to get an ultra sound and watching the lady try to hide the screen and the measurements from me was soo hard i just wanted to scream this is my child let me see them. She spoke as though abortion was soo natural the easiest thing in the world that it would be better for me because I was only 19 I left telling myself I would never enter that place again even with the pressure from my Ex and also to some extent my Mum.

I never did.

I have a life filled with hope, a baby growing inside of me. Friends who are happy for me, a church where they love me.

and the biggest thing of all

I have God’s love and forgiveness.

A baby is always a blessing.

Don’t let anyone persuade you because it’s the easy option just see Love. your love for your baby and the love that everyone has for you. Ignore the negatives always focus on the positives.

My First Born

I was 16 years old when I felt pregnant with my first born. She was born this year 2018 but my pregnancy was very stress full like if I’m going to be a good mom or if I will be able to look after her.  When I went into labor it was painful.  A pain no one can bare but the pregnancy pains was not even close to the pain I had that day when my water broke. Today my child is 6 months old and the most beautiful daughter I could ever have imagined.  I’m turning 18 in September and couldn’t believe what wonder my daughter has become.

Lani

The Past My Story

This all started a little over three years ago. I was sixteen, a virgin and – quite frankly – sick of it. I was always the party girl who was labeled as a “cock tease” and I constantly “led lads on”. Well, one day I decided that I wanted to have sex…and I did. In my mum’s bed, I have to add. It was a lot less than romantic, not that I expected it to be in the first place. Who can say that a one night stand is romantic in any way, shape or form? That night opened the floodgates. A week later, I found myself in bed with a different lad and in very different circumstances. It was a party atmosphere; alcohol had been consumed, drugs had been done (not by me) and inhibitions had been lost…by everyone. By the time that everyone was “tired” it became obvious that I was going to sleep with someone. I wasn’t on the pill. He didn’t have a condom. We were unprepared but we did it anyway. Three weeks later and my period didn’t come – weird. I put it down to exam stress and told myself I would take a test in a couple of days. A couple of days came and went so I wandered down to the store, flinging a test on the counter and practically running out of the store as soon as I had paid. This might sound weird but as I hid the test in my bag it felt like it was burning a hole through the material and everyone could see my dirty little secret. I took the test the next morning – negative. Again, I put it down to the stress of end of year exams. I pushed the thoughts aside even though I had a little niggle at the back of my mind. Four days later and I was still  late. I decided to go buy another test. This time it was easier to do. I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t embarrassed; I simply felt as if I was disconnected from my body. This couldn’t possibly be happening to me. I took the test the next morning – positiveThat was when my world shattered.

I sat there staring at the test for five minutes, convinced that the second line was wrong; that it was an evaporation line; that the test was faulty. Anything but the truth that was blindingly obvious. The first thought – and many afterwards – was please make this go away. That was a chant that ran through my mind for several days. Almost a week, in fact.

Turns out, someone was listening. They made it go away. No one told me about the pain though. Not just physical but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I had a miscarriage on the 25th November 2010. I thought by world had shattered when I found out I was pregnant but that was nothing  compared to this.

Still in denial that anything was wrong, I didn’t go to the doctor that day; that week; that month. I simply didn’t go. I hoped and prayed that everything would be okay without having to tell my family or my friends. It took a while but it looked (and felt) like everything eventually went back to normal.

Now I just feel like there’s a piece of me missing – lost out in the universe somewhere. There isn’t a day that passes by when I don’t think of what could be right now. What should have been. I blame myself for what happened. It was like I wished that baby away with the power of my thoughts. Who knew they could be so powerful?

Kari Tavella – Testimony

Adoption Over Abortion

If My Little Voice Could Speak
By: Shelbea – An Adopted High School Senior

10 little fingers
10 little toes
I am so cute.
But nobody knows.

Only God,
Who fearfully and wonderfully made me.
He knows.
He knows I am perfect.

If I could have just
One breath,
One chance to say the words “I love you”
One chance to live
I would take it.

It would be my chance
To shine
To grow
To cry
To make a mistake
To succeed.

I want to see earth!
Heaven is awesome too…
But I want to meet my mommy and daddy.

So like mind over matter, mommy
PLEASE choose adoption
Over ending my life.

I don’t want the scary doctors to hurt me.
I can hear them convincing you this is the best decision,
It isn’t mommy.
They are brain washing you.

I want to hear your heart beat mommy!
How else will I fall asleep?
When I kick and you feel your belly,
I experience love and safety.
So keep me loved and safe, mommy.
All I want is to live.

ADOPTION over abortion

15 and Having a Baby

I’m 15 and I’m having a baby. I’m scared, and I don’t want to mess this up. My baby is due May 27. I don’t know yet if I’m going to keep the baby or give the baby up for adoption. I hope I make the right choices…..

Thank you for all you comments!  I have made the choice to keep my baby.

More Resources:

Young Mother Help

Crisis Support

Philosophy and faith

Single Teen Mom