I was just 16 and it was my Junior year in March when I found out I was 10 weeks pregnant.

I felt incredibly stupid, especially after having terrible memories reoccurring of my current miscarriage in Dec., a week before Christmas started (best Christmas present huh). I kinda already knew I was but I never really thought it could happen again, especially after what I just went through. I kept blaming myself thinking I did something wrong but never really trying to think about it. It was too painful. I already told my boyfriend that I thought I was pregnant again. We both were scared and he was just scared for my emotional well-being. He wasn’t the only one worrying bout that. I remember wondering to myself if I should go through this again and risk a miscarriage (which I knew if that happened again I wouldn’t be able to handle it), or just get an abortion. I knew I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of an abortion but let my fear conquer over letting a life live. I finally reached a conclusion and told my school nurse I wanted an abortion and she handed me a list of numbers i could call to set up an appointment.

The funny thing is, after I had my miscarriage my mom kept trying to drag me into a hospital so they could do a post-miscarriage check-up or something awkward like that. I kept refusing because I didn’t want to be in a hospital environment because I know it would strike up memories. I went to counseling but it turned out my original counselor changed positions so I was assigned a new one. It was just my luck, I was assigned a counselor, who was as swollen as a balloon!!! How could I be assigned a pregnant counselor! I never returned after that. Me and my boyfriend returned to our sexual ways and everyday I wondered… Should I try to get pregnant again? I wanted that baby so badly and I prayed daily so I wouldn’t lose her…but once I saw the spot of blood… I had a feeling it was over… Now that everything was normal-except for this new emotional scar across my soul-i went back to my old ways. The day I actually decided to go in for birth control, I asked if I could take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn’t pregnant…. Sadly enough, that pink plus sign was not what I wanted to see. I had a gut feeling that I was pregnant again right after we had sex but that just finalized it. I didn’t know what to do. I decided to follow through with an abortion but knew I didn’t have the right to take a life away. God chose me for whatever reason and now she was our responsibility.

Now we’re excited for Dec. 28th and can’t wait for that little girl. =)