This is my first blog entry. I’m going to call this day 1 because I am going to get my pregnancy test tonight and tomorrow morning I am going to find out if I am going to be a mom or not. So it might be Day 1 of motherhood.
Some people think that motherhood begins when you have the baby, I think it starts from the heart to the tummy and then later to the baby. Its like a love cycle.
I am very young, turning 14 in November. But my body is very mature, i am very mature mentally and emotionally and my boyfriend Kanon and I have a very mature relationship. He is like my bestfriend. Since the day I met him I decided that he was going to be the guy I spent the rest of my life with. Many other girls my age that I know have never been in love, dont even like boys, or they just dont like commitment and switch between guys. I have always been a very commited person. Once I begin a relationship I just love to see how long I can make it last.
Love for a person can last a lifetime, a year, or 15 minutes. It can be really strong, weak, slow-progressing, steady ,rocky, faithful. loyal and honest. It could last forever, or you just think it could last forever. It could end happily or in tears. Yet, I have been through it all, or it seems like it all. And right now love is the only thing that seems to keep me going. I love my family, my boyfriend, my friends and even my boyfriend’s family. At this very moment I am not ready to disappoint any of them. They are all good people. But first of all, I dont want to disappoint my dad. If my pregnancy test comes back positive, its going to take alot of love to keep me holding on to my child and my boyfriend. But most of all the future I’m about to start, the family I’m about to start and this highway to all new lives.
I have a list of all the things I am physically, emotionally, and mentally terrified of. Like how tiny my body is and if it is strong enough to give birth to a child. Facing Dad and my family and all the people in my community. All the haters that are going to spread rumors. And losing my spot on the basketball team. But I feel scared for this helpless, inocient child that can do so much harm and not mean to. This little miracle that will call me ‘mommy’ and hold my hand. All the memories I will be able to have. But the worst fear of all.. Seeing me in about 15 years telling my daughter not to have sex when all she will have to say is “mom, you got knocked up at 14, why should I not?”
I will be posting a blog every day or so. I will try to keep an active report on weather or not I am going to be pregnant.