december 2009 i found out i was pregnant with a lad i was seeing..
i thought the world of him but before we met he lost his job and was on dole smoking weed,
but i always had hopes he’d changed..
when i found out i was pregnant we was both excited, but then he changed, started worrying and didn’t seem as commited!
my ex found out i was pregnant and adament on keeping it, i was 19 and worked full time with a caring and stable family behind me, even though they didnt approve, they were happy, sometimes!
but my ex made me think of my past and that i couldnt cope with a baby,
gradually he made me think i couldnt handle myself nevermind a baby..
he promised he’d be there for me and we’d have a future with a stable life.
i believed him.
so at 17 weeks pregnant i went to hospital and had to get scanned and go through the mental and psyical pain of something i’ll never forget!
neither the father or my ex wanted to know.. i felt such a horrible selfish naive person..
6 months on and i feel i cant move on, i’ve tried and still speak to the could be father but i constantly feel guilty that there could be my baby next to me, full of life and for me to care for.
i feel lost, guilty, scared and confused!! i have no idea how to feel tbh..