I was 10 when I lost my dad.

I was 15 when I lost my mom. I was with my boyfriend for almost a year when my Mom passed away… Since that time, I was sexually abused and had trust issues with Guys. But my boyfriend was completely different… He was a life that I adored and couldn’t let go… We were trying to have a kid… When my mom was alive, I was really depressed with the loss of my dad. I thought having a kid would fill the hole I had in my heart. I wanted a kid since I was 13. I met him and I didn’t tell him that I wanted a kid, but in 6 months of the relationship, we tried to have a kid for a while but it wasn’t successful at all. My mom passed away. My brother moved away. I was really depressed to the point where I didn’t care about Life. My boyfriend was being an ass. A month after, I moved into a Group Home. That was hell and also I discovered that I was pregnant but I didn’t know at that point. I was stressed about the loss of my parents and blaming myself because of how they died… I was pissed at the world. Yet I didn’t know I got a beautiful baby inside of me.

I was missing my period. I thought maybe it was related to my stress… Also the court for the sexual assault. It never occurred to me that I could be pregnant, so I went to buy a pregnancy test. The guy said to us, “Good Luck” and I half smiled. I took it, both were positive and I kept it cuz I was only 15. They (Group Home) would force me to get an abortion and I didn’t want that. Once I turned 16, it was time to find out. They took me and I was ten weeks pregnant. All I could think WHAT in the world am I going to do?! My doctor asked me what did I wanna do. I couldn’t give him an answer. I was shocked and couldn’t believe it. I just bawled. I was hoping for a miscarriage. I regret it after… I wanted this baby Because it was a gift from my parents. She completes the broken heart that I had for years… When I was 18 weeks along, I found out I was having a girl. I called her after my mom. My mom and My dad were my world. If I had a Boy, I was going to call him Connor Vernon… I had a girl and called her Lillian. My biggest fear was Child Protection and trying to raise her while I’m going to High school.

Now, she is 8 months old. She loves being nosy. She is happy, She has great parents. She may not know her grandparents, but I’ll tell her so many stories about them and how much they would love her. I know being 17 and having a kid is hard but I wouldn’t change the world. She changed me in many ways. I forgave myself for the loss of my parent and stopped being so angry with me, I’m not depressed anymore. She’s my little light, that crack in the box 🙂 I love her. She loves mama.

This is my life and story. Everyday, it just gets better.