I am the firstborn in my family. The title comes with great pride but I think I was unlucky. My mother found out she was pregnant with me after her boyfriend had left the country. She carried the burden, shame by herself and never told anyone who was responsible. From the day I was born, I somehow knew I was different, was raised by my aunties and uncles and life was easy and happy.

When she got married again, life changed. She seems to be ready to choose something or someone else over me, I got sent to boarding school when my young brother was born. She always had negative things to say about me and for a long time, it hurt until I got used to it and I realized that as much as I have a family, a roof over my head, food, and clothes on my back, I was alone and had to work really hard for everything because if I can’t get them by myself, no one else can. In a way, I pretty much raised myself, not knowing what to do.

So why do I feel hurt now after 20 years of being ignored? Well you see, a month ago, my mother and her husband (step dad) got in to fight and I had to get in between as I usually do. This time, I was beaten, insulted and thrown out of the house at night while it was raining. No one came to my aid, not even my mother.

I thought mothers were to protect. Why does my mother not care or stand up for me? Am I too old for that? Am I such a shameful disgrace to her that she can not bare to protect me and she’d rather choose someone else over me?