When I was younger and thought I had found the man of my dreams, I fell pregnant. The hardest decision I had made up to then was ‘What shoes will look good with this dress?’, I found myself making the hardest decision any teenager could of made. I spent weeks convincing myself it was all going to be fine. I moved in with my boyfriend and then later told my mum. I saw the fear and disappointment in her eyes and it still hurts today to think how I made her feel.

We talked, and I realised that I was pressured by my partner, society, the media that I had to have this child. I felt like I still was a child. In reality, how the hell would I cope?? Panic set in once I understood exactly what was expected of me.

I decided in the end to have an abortion, it was indeed heartbreaking to know what people would say about me. Selfish, heartless, murderer.

After a while, almost a year later, myself and my partner stopped communicating and our relationship had turned violent from both sides. I cannot say it was all him. I usually instigated it and I was left with bruises from self defense.

I spent the rest of the year purposely destroying EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I felt people should feel my pain before they judged me. I was extremely violent and gradually became a borderline alcoholic. Every day after work, I would head to the nearest bar and drink, socially, privately. It didn’t matter. I actually enjoyed myself feeling free, a rebel! Counselors have tried to say I was not enjoying myself but unfortunately, I really did, and have made some excellent, very supportive friends from that period of my life. I actually met my current partner from then.

I continued my journey and after another failed 8 month relationship that began to irritate me half way through, I decided I would have fun again. I would tone it down but do what made me happy. Actually live life! And so I did and fell in love with my current partner of three years

We have had a very enjoyable time so far, although we had issues at the beginning and have the occasional argument now we both can comprise and co-operate after a heated row. We spend a lot of time doing fun things such as aquariums, zoos, theme parks, seeing films.

Then around 4 weeks ago, I discovered I was pregnant. I informed him and he at first was shocked, as most people were including me! This is when the arguments became more frequent. We argued until he realised that a termination was not an option. I wasn’t mentally and emotionally able to go through with one. He spent a few more days to think. I at first worried and then thought ‘Like hell, I’m going to let you dictate me and my child’s life!’ He made it clear throughout that he would not abandon his child.

He came to realise that it wasn’t such a scary thing and he wanted to be involved in everything, including the pregnancy. He now puts up with the mood swings and moaning about my sickness!

We are both aware and weary of my long term depression. I cannot take medication as it is not recommended in pregnancy. I am currently looking for tips to ensure I keep calm. which is easier said than done but I’ll do it. I’m not religious and so don’t speak to God for guidance. I speak to real people like yourselfs. People who have coped and are strong characters. Not those who sit complaining and whining all day. Not those who refuse to help themselves, and not those who blame anyone for their own mistakes.

If we didn’t have bad luck, we’d have no luck!

There are many, many people who can help others by sharing their stories. To some (including me) I have wasted my time telling the world my story. But if it helps just one person understand their own worries or doubts, I’m happy!

I hope you all share your stories. The 10 minuets you spend could change some one’s life!