Women were not designed to be alone, we were designed to love and be loved. It gives us drive and purpose in life.

When I was a child, I read stories about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Rapunzel, and all the rest of those super-lucky and super-perfect babes that got Prince Charming, and I knew, that I knew, that I knew that one day I would find a Prince and live happily ever after.

Well… Prince C has still not come to carry me off into the sunset. But that’s not going to ruffle my feathers, because… well, he’s supposed to come along! He has to. He must! It’s how the story ends!

As the desire to love and be loved grew stronger within me I continued to wait. But I admit, I was becoming more impatient and so more vulnerable. My self-esteem began to shrink. Why doesn’t anyone love me? Is something wrong with me?

So impatience set in and like lots of other lonely people I decide to take things into my own hands.

I found a frog — and hoped that I would turn him into a prince!
I like to call this the Frog Prince Syndrome! It’s this absolutely absurd idea that women have, that though they can’t change the world, they can change a loser and make him a good guy?

Aghhh…

I suffered from this sickness for such a long time that I now feel like I’ve become an expert on the subject!

I was bullied at school and made fun of, I had a very low self-esteem and very low self-worth. And I was so sure that one day Prince Charming would ride up on his horse and carry me off into the sunset and when he didn’t, I got tired of waiting, I got tired of being alone. I needed to give my gift of love and self to someone and I made a mistake. I settled for a frog.

Who remembers the story of the frog prince? The frog did the princess a favor by going to the bottom of the well and getting her golden ball for her and in return she had to look after him, share her pillow with him, share her plate with him, share everything with him and one day she shared a kiss with him and he turned into a prince.

If only they all turned into princes with a kiss. But they don’t, even after a hundred kisses. And because we’ve lost patience with love we’ve become vulnerable. We’ve put ourselves under the spell of the frog for showing us so small a kindness, some affection perhaps. We continue to kiss the frog, share everything with him, too much of everything, of ourselves, and kiss him some more in the hopes that froggie will turn into princie — devoted to me for life.

And that is what I believe keeps many women in abusive relationships. FPS — frog prince syndrome.

I remember when I was at school, some friends had watched a movie about a woman that was in an abusive relationship. When asked why she stayed, she said, “because he loves me”. She stayed because she thought he gave her love. Is this love?

Listen up, love is patient and kind, never abusive. Love sacrifices everything for another and so ya, it hurts, but it hurts in a special way. It hurts the one giving because he gives himself totally for you girl. He hurts to be apart from you. He hurts when you’re unhappy. He hurts when you hurt. He rejoices when you’re happy.

It’s not love, not love, not love, if it hurts you, the one receiving, if it hurts you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

{josquote}The problem I think is that many of us women have just grown up around frogs. We’ve forgotten what the prince looks like, what he loves like. What his love is supposed to be. {/josquote}

Maybe Dad and bro were frogs. Maybe they’re princes and so you can use their love for you as a guide. If you’ve been surrounded by lilly pad jumpers — abusive, hooked on drugs or alcohol frogs, then don’t settle for that in your own life. Words are not enough!

Hold on — you’re not alone. God will send you a guy who wants to be your prince and maybe, just maybe, he’s been waiting to find you his princess and break-out of his own frog family.

So be patient with yourself!

In part two, I’m going to look at how we can find Prince Charming? Stay tuned!

Nicollete