Hello Becky. This is my testimonial.
Even though I love the life I have now, I’m still bothered by my past abortion. Here’s my story. It all took place around spring of 99. I was a conceited 26 year-old girl, & I was living with my boyfriend, Jon. We rented a one bedroom house. I didn’t go to college, & I was working at a Conoco gas station, barely making enough money to live off of. & Jon didn’t have a job, so I worked really hard. Jon was into heavy drugs & alcohol. I did a little drinking myself, smoked cigs, & pot. Well, about eight months into our relationship, I started getting sick with nausea, & I thought that I might have the flu. But it didn’t go away for a long time, so I went to the health clinic, & explained how I kept having flu like symptoms. He said something like, “It can’t be the flu, because the flu doesn’t last that long.” & plus, flu season over, but that didn’t occur to me. He started asking me a bunch of questions, & finally the pregnancy question popped up. I never thought about it, & I doubted that it was that, but I took the test anyway, & sure enough, I was pregnant!
It was then that I realized I had skipped my period. I didn’t even notice. Anyway, I thought “Okay. What in the heck are we going to do?!” I was so scared, & dissapointed. I told Jon & we both felt so angry about it. Keeping the baby was out of the question. Not only were we barely making the rent & living, but I was selfish; I didn’t even want to be a mom! I didn’t care what was the best for the baby, I cared about what was best for me. I wanted to keep everything going the way it was going in the first place. That was really selfish of me. So we started thinking of what to do.
Our choices were abortion or adoption. I was nine weeks along, & I didn’t want to go through a whole nine months of pregnancy for adoption, & plus, I didn’t have the money for prenatal care. So we called up an abortion clinic, & found out all about it, & how much the fee would be, & I barely had enough money. I liked it & Jon liked it. So we decided abortion was our choice. I scheduled to get an abortion the next week. The week passed & it was finally the day of the abortion. When we arrived at the abortion clinic around 9:00 am, I wasn’t nervous at all… until we got inside the clinic. It was so gloomy, & it was freezing inside the waiting room, & the people didn’t have any facial expressions at all. I started to get really uncomfortable. But Jon held my hand & kept telling me, “It’ll be okay.” That’s what kept me from leaving. I had to fill out a ton of papers, so I sat down next to this woman in the waiting room (I think she was in her early 20’s.) After I was done filling them out, we started talking & she told me how this was her third abortion, & she started crying. Then I thought about what she went through, & felt so bad for her. I was just so mad about being pregnant. I felt bad too, but that didn’t change my mind. Finally, it was my turn. They had me put on this white hospital gown type of a thing. It was so uncomfortable.
Next, they ran some blood tests on me. After all of that jazz was done, I went & laid down on a “bed”, & I put my feet in these stirrup straps. Before I went under the general anesthesia, I just took a deep breath & relaxed. I woke up in so much pain, & then that’s when it hit me. I was like, “Wow, it’s gone. My baby’s actually gone.” I just was in so much shock, & I started crying. About an hour after I changed & washed my face, they gave me a fruit bar & some milk. I felt so sick to my stomach that I didn’t even want to eat. I went home totally misserable. Things didn’t get easier like I’d expected them too: they got harder because of what I had done. Four weeks after the abortion, Jon & I broke up because of it. That was a good thing, because if I was still with him, I don’t know where I’d be now. God saved me. He has brought me to a better life. I now have a great husband, & an awesome son, Chris.
God gave me a second chance to make things right. I thank him everyday for my experience with abortion, & for the life I have now. It isn’t killing my baby I thank him for; it’s for making me see a different side of life. Abortion is not the best way out. Abortion is an ever lasting haunting. It will affect you, one way or another. Becky, thank you for making this web page, sharing, & helping women in pregnancy crisis’s. It really shows what a kind, & caring person you are. & I’d like to say, I’m very proud of you for not aborting your baby. I watched the Becky now video today (which made me so happy) & I think your baby is just the cutest. I know your child is very precious, as well as anyone else’s. 🙂
Hugs & God bless,
Haley | firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for sharing your painful story. I think it’s so awesome that more and more girls are standing up and sharing what they’ve been through in dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. By sharing openly and honestly of how you’ve suffered in choosing abortion, you will empower other girls to share their personal stories and reach out through their pain to help others. I have found that by talking about things, instead of just letting them fester inside, we can actually be brought to a deeper level of healing ourselves. We can also help other girls not make the same mistakes we have. We need to be there for each other.
It’s important to realize that abortion is not just a “quick procedure”. It is something that will affect a woman for the rest of her life. The reason why it has deeply affected you and many, many others is because it is a real, live baby that has been ripped from your womb, not just a “blob of tissue” or a “group of cells” that many will try and tell you it is. We don’t grieve when we have our tonsils taken out.
You’ve been through a lot. I’m happy to hear that you have been blessed with a loving husband and a wonderful son.
Your website is great. I would strongly encourage other girls to visit it!