I don’t know what is wrong with me lately. I just don’t feel myself. I just don’t feel happy.

I don’t have it bad though. I have a lil girl and I love being a mammy and I have my partner and I love him and I am hoping he loves me. I think he does, just I’m not entirely sure he is as dedicated to our family as he says he is.

I never see him and neither does our daughter. He is there in the morning but all he does is get ready for work. He pays her a lil attention but a lil doesn’t feel enough. He works till late at night so she isn’t awake when he gets home and I am sooo tired from having her all day. I don’t think he realizes how much hard work it is.

He gets days off through the week… but offers to work overtime so he doesn’t get to see us on those days either. I don’t get why he does it. I mean, we aren’t struggling for money. We get by just fine.

I am desperate for a new home, one of our own. We are living with his mother at the moment and I hate it so much! I don’t feel comfortable there but he sides with her all the time. In all fairness, this baby is my daughter so I think she should be handling her the way I want.

We aren’t gonna have anytime together over xmas, just xmas day but because it is the lil one’s 1st xmas, we will be bombarded with guests so it’ll be really impersonal and we won’t get any alone time with just our own new lil family.

I just wanna cry all the time. I hate everything at the moment. I am still gaining so much weight, I feel hideous. I have still got no one to talk to and now he isn’t around so much I cant talk to him either.

So I’ve written it all down here, and now reading through it, how twisty do I sound? I sound pathetic! lol People have it worse than me but I can’t help but feel so bad.