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Anonymous
I am 9 weeks pregnant. I am married I have a 10,and 9 month old. My husband does not want any more kids.He says if I have it he will divorce me and pay but not have anything to do with it! I love my husband very much but this isn’t the first time he has pressured me in to an abortion. About 41/2 years ago when we were dating for 6 months I had got pregnant and I believed at the time I could not afford to raise another baby. So I had terminated the pregnancy. That was my 2nd one that I had. I do not believe it to be a form of birthcontrol but I sometimes make really bad decisions and accidents happened. I am very confused. I look at my 9 month old and cry because this is my husband who I thought loved me and would be supportive,instead I get that I did this on purpose. I want to finish school and have a life with the children I have now. But mainly I am afraid that I can not do it on my own.My 10 year olds dad comes and goes as he pleases. I have made me an appointment at Choices to talk to a councler. I do not know what to do! Do I lose my husband and have the baby? Or do I go through what might be the my breaking point. I always thought I did not have a conscience but the more I think about this I am not the same person I was when I was so foolish so long ago.
Hey Brooke — have you seen Crystal’s post. She was in a very similar situation…
http://standupgirl.com/web/index.php?option=com_joomlaboard&Itemid=216&func=view&id=9672&catid=4
I know it must be a hard decision for you but let it be yours. As I alway say people come and go,but you will have to live with yourself forever.
dillon12
i know that you love your husband very much and that it sucks to have to chosse to of the most important things to you but you have to make the right decision for you. if you get pushed into something you dont want to do then you will regret it even more. dont let anyone push you into something that you dont want to do. i hope all goes well. we all here to suport you
brooke
thank you for your reply. That is so true. I know that it will work itself out.
maybebaby88
I understand that this has got to be tough but if he wont stand by you and support you with this then how do you know he will with other things? It’s not like you’re the only one involved in this, you didn’t get yourself pregnate, he shouldn’t be blamming you. That baby inside of you, that’s a life that you created, that’s a part of you. In the long run the decision is yours but make sure it’s what you really want.
lisa
Hi Brooke – I’m Lisa and I read your e-mail and I just wanted to send you a note of encouragement. I just so want to encourage you for life. You know why? Because I truly 100% believe that once your husband lays eyes on that beautiful little bundle of joy he will become puddy! Really and truly right now … I know it may be difficult to "Stand Up" but you have a bunch of very supportive girls (including me) that will Stand with you and encourage you through every step of the way.
Brooke – choosing your husband or your baby truly should not be an issue. You know what I mean? I mean – you already love your baby and trust me when I say that the moment you feel that first movement, you will know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you chose rightly! It’s truly not fair for someone to have you make a choice like you are being asked to make.
I really think that when you take a Stand that you will be much more at peace. I know you love him, and truly if he loves you he will stick by you. I don’t think that his love is so conditional that he would leave because you want to allow your baby to live. Do ya think? I think he’s just scared right now and he doesn’t know how else to handle it.
So can I encourage you … take a Stand for life. Don’t cause yourself to be in the midst of a bondage of pain for the rest of your life because of abortion. I know that pain personally and I do not want to see anyone to have to deal with this sort of pain forever. It’s NO FUN Brooke and I’m here to tell you that you will NOT be sorry that you choose life. And I really think that your husband will also come to his feet too! Please Brooke – give your baby that chance to bless your heart. I can tell that is what you want. Enjoy this Christmas with looking forward to having a new addition to the family coming out into the world this next year.
What do ya think?
I’m right here for you if you need anything. OK?
Now – here is also a website to help you locate a nearby center that is free and they will also be very happy to Stand with you and by you. So how about it? OK? Ready to take a Stand?
Check out this site:
Please let me know how you are.
Luv Lisa
Crystal32
I have been in your situation and I know where you are right now. you are depressed – thinking I will fail my husband if i don’t do it but fail the little life inside if I do. It makes me angry that men try to pressure women into something like this like we did it on our own. I went through a lot and after many heart breaking talks with my husband and crying spells I decided that I had to stand up what was right for me. If he wanted to dio it with me and have the baby great – if not I would prosper from having another baby and he could just be lonely and have regrets. i told my husband how i felt and it was not easy, but he did come around. I am 5 months now and he keeps telling me I need to eat, or I need to be careful, etc. he is concerned and there for me and he said the exact same thing you described your hysband as saying. I hope the best for you and hope that my story can give you the courage to do what is right for you. There are many reasons you can come up with to not have a baby but there is always a reason to have it that will not change and somehow get you through the hard times – love.
stitch
Hey Brooke,
I know it must be really hard on you to figure out what to do. I could tell you what I think you should do but it really comes down to what you think is right. I hope that if you do decide that you don’t want another baby that you will give it up for adoption. I know there are alot of people looking to become parents right now! Not all of them are crazy either lol!! I am learning alot about it cuz my sister is trying to adopt a baby doing an open adoption. It is so hard to get matched with a baby and so you having a baby could give someone such an amazing gift!!!!!I am sorry ur husband is being a dick, I know you want emotional support right now, if ya ever wanna chat or talk. Get at me!
excitedmom21
i understand u love your husband very much! but when it comes down to him makeing u choose between him or your child if i was in this predicument i would choose my child over him! u never choose a man over your child , you are caring a special child inside u! that child that you are caring could be a president or anything dont throw that away because of a man!! Did u know that when u get a abortion the child has nerves and can feel everything that the doctors are doing? its sad and very hurtful. But i am not tryin ta preach or anything your decision is your decison just make sure to pray about it first then make your decison. And remember never let a man pressure you or threatin you if he is going to leave you let him. Dont ever loose yourself in a man especially if they dont want nothing to do with there kids that they help crerate!! it takes two not one to bring a life into this world remember that!!!! I love you and i am here for u writ back anytime!!!
gina lynn
follow your heart as a mommy and let your child live. you know he or she deserves a chance. if your husband diddnt want any more children then HE should have been more careful. its not your fault. its a blessing from god, which you’ll find out if you keep it. dont let him pressure you into getting an abortion with his threats. a life with out a father is better than no life at all. keep your precious baby. stand strong. i’ll pray for you.
I appreciate everything everyone has wrote to me! Thankyou for being there. We have decided to keep the baby and I belive my husband is more excited about it than me! I will keep everyone posted throughout the pregnancy. Thanks too everyone again for being there when I thought I had noone!:)
kdcastro7
dont do it.. all i can say.. try your best to give the baby a chance. its not the baby fault..do the right thing ..trust me you will feel so bad if you do it.. think about it.. you will be ok… B)
I have been there
Wow Crystal!! What a brave decision. There are alot of scared women who could look up to you for making such a brave decision.
mrs_meliss
It sounds that you know you have to have this baby. i am relieved to hear your heart is telling you to keep it and you do need to listen to that. you will never be the same, and you are not the same right now. so please choose your baby.
your husband will either love you and stand by you and if he doesnt then you know he doesnt love you, and you can go on knowing that you did the right thing and left behind a person who was taking you down the wrong path anyway-even though it may b epainful, it will never be as apinful as knowing you aborted your baby again.
i dont think you could deal with that again, you will resent your husband and yourself.
i pray you make the right desision and keep the gift God gave you.Ndanu
girl, its true you have to live with yourself forever… If your husband is threatening to leave you if you dont have the abortion then my dear truth be told, he does not love you the way you think he does. If he had any compassion for you, suggesting that would not even be anywhere near his mind and for a fact, he does not know you. keep your child… it is a blessing and you may be on the verge of a breakthrough.
ashleymarie07
hey there hun, i don’t think he should make you choose. i think that is very wrong. but remember the choice is yours not his, if he really leaves you then it wasn’t meant to be. everything happens for a reason(or at least thats what i believe) i really dont know what to say except make sure whatever you do is what YOU want. don’t let him threatning you give up a baby that you truly want. everyone i know who has given their baby up, regrets it. but keep me posted and i will be praying for you.
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