What did I do?

A few weeks ago I found out I was pregnent. I am in a very wonderful and committed relationship, and I knew that my boyfriend would be there for me through whatever I needed to do. But I also knew that he expected me to have an abortion. We had discussed in the past what we would do in this situation, and I always told him that I am not ready to have a baby. What was I thinking? When I took the test and it was positive his response was "Well, we know what we have to do." He got out the phone book and the next thing I knew I had an appointment.

Everything at the clinic was a mess. They heard the girls around like a bunch of cattle. I opted to have the non-surgical procedure done was given a shot and was sent home with pills. I was told "it’s just like having your period." That was probably the biggest lie I had ever heard. I lost my baby on Sunday. I had to flush my child down the toilet. It wasn’t until that moment that the reality sunk in. My boyfriend has held me while I cry myself to sleep the last few nights. I sneak off to the bathroom at work to cry. I just feel very alone. My boyfriend is the only one that knows, but he can’t quite get a grasp of how I feel. I am trying not to regret it, because I cannot change it. I jst don’t know where to turn from here.