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Anonymous
hi i am 18 3 more months till i graduate. i havent toldm y mom yet i dont know i wasnt to but im scared having morning sickness. my bf wants me to have an abortion becasue he doesnt want it to grow up poor and neither do i but i dont want to kill it but i will i dont want to but he saidhe will be with me whatever i choose but he will hate the baby. but i said adoption but hes adopted so he doesnt want to give it to another person. im so confused! im 7 weeks today please help me he just doesnt want the baby to grow up poor and i dont either but i dunno how do i tell my mom im not close with her at all. please help
how do i tell my mom we arent close? e-mail me or post me back
Dear Lindsey,
I know how hard it is to tell a parent something big like that. But you know you don’t need to do it all by yourself if that’s too much. You definitely need her support – and I’m sure she’ll give it, but if you want some help in telling her, your local crisis pregnancy centre would be happy to help you. One of the big things the centres do is help families adjust *together* to a pregnancy. You’ll be able to find a local centre here.
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/index.html
Your boyfriend right now sounds scared, and uncertain about his feelings. I’m sure he would not hate the baby, once he or she became *real* to him. Right now, though, he probably isn’t thinking of it as a baby yet, but as a problem. When there’s a baby there he can *see*, he’ll think very differently. Maybe you can show him an ultrasound picture soon enough.
Right now, however, you’ve got to think mostly about yourself and your baby. It’s your lives most at stake here. There’s lots of people who’ll support you through this pregnancy and help you consider the best options for both of you. If you want to talk to someone right away, call the Pregnancy Helpline at 1-800-672-2296 and you’ll immediately be in touch with someone who understands the type of problem you’re facing.
If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask here. And I’d be very glad to hear how it’s going for you.
Eileen Rebstock,
Edmonton, Alberta, Canadapink06
Hey Lindsey,
I’m 18 and 2 1/2 months away from graduating and I just found out a week ago that I am about 6 weeks pregnant. It was so hard to tell someone and even though my boyfriend was/is there I felt totally alone. We finally told our sisters and my sister went with us to tell my mom. It seems totally crazy and you think everyone will be mad at you, but even though that may be the case, they are still going to love you and stand behind you. There will be some who support whatever decision you make and some who dislike it, not matter what. So remember, do what’s best for YOU, not everybody else.
Faith2487
Hello there…I know how hard it is to tell your parents this. I just recently told my family that I am pregnant and they reacted the way I expected them too. They were angry, dissapointed, and sad. Even though they were so upset I felt so much better after I told them like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It all comes down to love. Your family LOVES you and no matter what happens they will. Having their support will steer you in the right direction to make the right choice for YOU! Dont listen to your boyfriend or anyone else. You must listen to what YOU really want and need.
Post edited by: Julie, at: 2006/02/28 21:08
Okay first of all you probably shouldn’t stay with your boyfriend if he’s the type to hate his own child. That means he’s probably incapable of truly loving another person. Please don’t have an abortion. That is painful for you and has lasting effects. You’ll never forget it and probably never forgive yourself. Just because you keep the baby doesn’t mean he or she will grow up poor. I had my first baby at 16 and my daughters have EVERYTHING they have ever wanted or needed. They have more toys than any kid I know. So really I don’t think age has anything to do with it. Go to college and you will make more money. It’s not that hard once you get going at it. If you don’t think you can raise a baby, adoption is a wonderful option. I would tell my boyfriend (if I were in your situation) that either we can give the baby up for adoption and stay together (actually I’d leave him but I’m trying to be nice lol) or I will keep the baby and he can leave. His choice.
Sadie
BiancaA.
im 17 years old and have a five month old son. Im 2 months away from graud. from high school.Please dont have an abortion. Its not the babys fault that this happened. I grew up very poor and now my parents have money. There are worst things in life then being poor. Tell your boyfriend to go away, he wount hate the baby. Soon as you see the ultrasound you and him( if you keep hm around) will feel very different. I did it. Its hard but we women are strong.
Please choice life,
823 BiancaHey! I know this is a really tough time for you right now, and I completley understand what your going through. I’m 17, a high school dropout, engaged and 6 weeks pregnant. I thought my mom & dad would kill me when they found out I was pregnant. Finally, I told them. Dad was angry, upset and dissapointed in me, but he learned quickly that I was set on having my baby and there was nothing he could do about it. My mom was actually happy about it! I know it’s tough, but just tell them. Maybe they will help you make your decision. If you do decide to keep your baby, http://www.epregnancy.com is a helpful site. I’m always here if you need me!
~Michelle~
PS ~ Remember: whatever doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger!! 🙂
hi, I know the horrible situation you are in, just a week ago i went through an abortion because i felt i had no other option at my age, My boyfriend tried to be good about it but i knew he didn’t want a child and i was scared to do it by myself….Now i’m sorry, i wished i had thought longer about it, i wished i had talked to someone because now i know i would have been fine if i went ahead with the pregnancy and had my child even if i had to do it by myself, my advice is think long and hard about it and do talk to someone as it makes a big difference, Best of luck with it and just remember its not the end of the world to have a little baby, you will get alot of support from people you may have thought wouldn’t support you. Take Care
Dear Lindsey
I am not in your shoes. I, however, would be someone who would love to support a woman like you. If you cannot see this child fitting into your life, there are a lot of people like me who have been trying to get pregnant and have not. There are people who would emotionally and financially support you doing your pregnancy and then adopt your child after its birth. Please consider this option. It sounds like your boyfriend would not support this, yet you should think about your options as the mother.
Let me know if you want to talk further.
Susan
i know how you feel, i am 35 and just had my first child, i did not even know i was pregnant until 6 months. My son is now 4 1/2 months old and he is the best thing that ever happened to me and to think i did not want to have any kids- i have totally changed my mind on that and so glad that it happened…everything happens for a reason, just think you have a little person that will love you and that will need love and you will see it will be the best thing you will ever experience= i know it was for me, its tough but worth it …and everybody is right…your parents will understand….and you will feel better-
and oh yeah, you are worried about being poor…you know what you will find a way to take care of that baby and you will be amazed on the support you will find from your family and your friends..and you WILL get thru it, i am on a one person income and thankfully my husband takes care of the baby during the day so thats one less expense because we could not afford daycare- its an amazing experience…hang it there…..everything will work out
Lindsey,
Growing up poor isn’t as bad as you may think. I grew up poor because my mother also wasn’t economically stable at the time of my birth, but we’ve had a good life. Even if your boyfriend decides not to stay, your baby is the most important thing in your life now.
It may be hard to think about the baby growing up poor, but it’s a poverty in itself to not give the baby a chance at life. Your baby deserves to have a life. Just because a family has money doesn’t mean that they are happy. I am happier than most of my friends who have money, and I grew up without it.
I know that life will be hard, but there are a lot of programs out there used to help women like you. I don’t know what to do but to beg you not to give into your boyfriend’s wishes. You are a strong woman, and you can get through this.
I appologize about your boyfriend. He seems to be taking this pretty hard, but it also seems like he’s just worried. When my boyfriend saw the ultrasound of our little one, his face lit up, and he’s happier than ever now. After you and him see the proof that there is a baby living within you, then perspectives begin to change. The baby kicks, and it flips, and it moves. It’s a living baby. I beg of you to keep it, and even if you don’t keep it, give it up for adoption. You will love your baby more than anything once you have it, no matter how hard it may be.
Your mother will be supportive. I’m sure she’ll love her grandchild as well. Graduation is important, but your baby is more important. You can have both. If you can get up the courage to ask for help, then you can do this.
Shayna
you know you will always be surprised at how parents will show theyre unconditional love. do not worry, your mother loves you at 17 alot of mothers and daughters are not that close. and im sorry to say your boyfriend being adopted should be a little more understanding to your feelings right now. this will change your lives forever. i was recently in a situation somewhat like yours except i was the one who didnt think i could cope with a child yet but you know every time i look at my son now 13 months i smile he is the greatest joy in my life and i am sad i ever even thought of abortion. its hard bu the is the BEST thing to happen to me in my life. good luck hun
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