I’ve given killing myself so much thought recently and tried to again so many times in the last few months that I’ve lost count. And I’m still here, where I don’t want to be. Alive.

The severity of the desire comes and goes during the day. And sometimes I’m fine for weeks and then all of a sudden< I’m back to square one. I’m so stressed and so tired and just fed up. I don’t want to live anymore and have to pretend that I’m perfect and happy and have my act together.

Because I am so messed up, it’s not even funny anymore.