Regret but not so much ? what does that make me
hey this is my first blog , my name is lynda . im only 17 and long story short about me i have had so much things happen to me this year i never thought i could feel soo much pain hit me in one go its felt like a big fire truck smacking into me. this happen on the 3.6.09 this year. my heart felt crushed , thats the day i went to get an abortion , i know it nots right its true when people say ‘ a baby shouldnt pay for yuor mistakes ‘ . but i just had so many troubles in my life ,
my boyfriend and i meet when we wer around 15 we have always had a thing for eachother we would date on and off for like around 2 times . anyways last year on the 21.12.08 thats when we got back together it felt so real. i lost it to him even though he dosent believe me but i really lost it to him , i have liked this boy ever since high school and i felt like somewhere deep down inside me i loved him . we can not talk for months and everytime we talk again instantly we would end up liking eachother again . My Boyfriend and i dated and 2 months later or so i felt pregnant to his baby i was so excited and scared at the same time i really wanted keep him/her i didnt know how to tell my parents i was afarid , my sister ended up finding out . my family didnt support me in the decision i wanted , the descision was that i wanted to keep my baby ! but no one wanted to support me , back then my boyfriend was still a ‘ playa ‘ you can say he would text girls infrotn of me , talk to them on the phone in the other room . i would use to cry everyday i didnt know why i didnt leave him maybe because this was the boy i falling for ever since the age of 15 maybe that why i couldnt let go .
well i found out i was 4 months and 2 weeks pregnant i was so happy inside but i knew my boyfriend didnt want it even though he keep saying ‘ you can have it ‘ but i knew he didnt want to he couldnt let go of how he was like . So eventually my boyfriend stop doing all those things he was there for me and he supported me , we decided we were to young for a kid so we had an abortion that day i was so scared i tried to be strong and act like everything was ok to my boyfriend , when i went into the abortion and time to lay down , my heart was beating so fast i tried to hold back the tears but i guess it was to late to do anything about it since i already took the 3 pills they have given . After that i got off went back to the ward and rest . I went home feeling like apart of me was missing i cried myself to sleep that night , my boyfriend held my hand through it all and i was happy he changed his way . i knew he was sad he wrote on his phone ‘ 3.6.09 i love lynda a lesson in love ‘ . I cried myself to sleep for the past couple of nights i felt weird waking up and not touching my belly knowing my own baby wasnt with me anymore. I regret this alot but this experinece has made us real close and i know he really loves me till this day we are still together , our 1 year in a couple of days.
Does it make me a bad person if i regret what ive done yet im kind of pleased that this has bought me and my boyfriend together . I dont know im lost with words . All i wanna say is i miss you bubbah and if i still kept you , you world of been in this world last year around november the 27th. im sorry it makes me a bad person . hope u kan forgive me when we meet again in heaven.
i love you and ur dad loves you too .xxx
3.6.09 a day that has changed who i am inside and how i felt . you as a a person a growing baby changed my life.
x0x0x
