I’m 19 Pregnant And Not Married! Help!

by | 2013 | Dear Becky

Dear Becky- I just found out that I am pregnant. I’m 19, not married, and on top of that I just got a position at school that I worked really hard for. I made a big mistake and I feel by being pregnant I’m letting the whole school down. I keep debating on keeping the […]

Dear Becky-

I just found out that I am pregnant. I’m 19, not married, and on top of that I just got a position at school that I worked really hard for. I made a big mistake and I feel by being pregnant I’m letting the whole school down. I keep debating on keeping the baby or having an abortion. Most everyone I talk to wants me have an abortion. Please help me.

Thanks, Karen


Hi Karen,

Thanks for writing.  It’s good to talk with you. My heart goes out to you right now.  Being pregnant is difficult and shocking as well. It is a lot to deal with all at once. I just want you to know that you can get through this. You will be ok no matter what happens.

The position at your school that you mentioned, will you not be able to keep it if you are pregnant?  In what way would you be letting down the whole school if they know that you are pregnant?  A lot of women are pregnant at 19 and yes some in your school may judge you for being pregnant, but you can’t let other people’s judgments of you dictate your life.  No one wants to be a slave to what other people think of you.  You need to make a decision based upon what is best for you and your child right now.

It might be the case that you would be letting people down more by getting an abortion.  A lot of people are opposed to pregnancy out of marriage, but many more are opposed to killing your own child.  You see, everyone in life makes mistakes in life, everyone.  And you may feel that getting pregnant was a big mistake, but it matters more about what you do about the mistake rather than the mistake itself.  I would like to encourage you to consider making a choice for your pregnancy not based upon people at school, but based upon your child.  After all blood is thicker than water and by choosing abortion you would be letting your child down much more than you would be letting down anyone at school.
Right now your child is not a sac of cells or a blob of tissue.  Here is a video you can watch so you can see what your child looks like right now:  My Child NowAbortion is not an easy thing and it does not take away the fact that you are a mom now.

You’ve got a lot more to lose by having abortion than choosing to be a parent to your child.  Let me refer you to a pregnancy resource center.  Pregnancy resource centers are located all across the United States and help women just like yourself for free!  They can help you with all of your needs and it is completely free.  Just go to Optionline.cog and enter in your zip code.  A list of centers will appear.  Just call the one that you would like to go to and tell them about your situation.  They do not preform or refer for abortions but they have information on abortion.  They will be so happy that you called.

I know that your friends have supported a decision for abortion, but let me be the first to tell you that I think you are capable of going to school and being a good mother.  Even if your friends don’t believe in you, I do.  I believe that you can do this and I believe that you have what it takes.

Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.  I’m just an email away.

becky love signature


Hi Becky-

I wouldn’t be able to do it this year. I made drum major for my university’s marching band which is a big deal because there have only been 2 other females to ever be appointed to this position. Everyone at school is really excited about it and they keep congratulating me. I want to talk to my band director to see if I would be able to return to the position the season after this one.

It’s just hard for me because the position is something I wanted to achieve since high school. I’ve just been praying and asking God to guide me to the right decision and to help me. I’ve been talking to my boyfriend, and he’s on the fence about it. Every time I bring up the negatives he suggests an abortion. He says he’s really frustrated with me.


Hi Karen-

I have noticed that men usually deal with pregnancy related issues by shutting down or becoming frustrated.  I think that the way your boyfriend is treating you is not good and you deserve better, but unfortunately he is acting like most men do.  It just takes men some time for them to process pregnancy.  It is life changing.  Many men don’t even get over it until the baby is born and can hold him/her in his arms.

For now, you could just give your boyfriend some space to process things.  I would not make a decision for or against an abortion based upon what your boyfriend wants.  In your emails you have told what your friends at school think and what your boyfriend thinks, but you haven’t said what YOU want.

I’m really glad to hear that you are praying about this and asking God.  I am praying for you too!  God will show you what to do.  Just wait on him and listen for him.  You will be able to get through this.

Let me know what your band director says when you talk to him.

becky love signature


Dear Becky-

After debating on abortion for about a week I finally made my decision. I’m going to keep my baby! Regardless of what other people say that is the decision that I feel is right because I am a Christian.

I told my dad on Friday and he was more supportive than I could ever imagine! As soon as I told him he immediately gave me a hug and told me he loves me. He told me he would tell my mom for me. He even told me not to worry about trying to get a job. He said he and my mom would help us!

I talked to my band director on Friday night and he was really supportive and encouraging. He told me how he and his wife had their first child at 17 and how they both still marched in the band. He told me that I had worked for that spot as drum major and that when I came back it would still be my spot! God has really moved in this situation and I feel really blessed!

This will be my biggest testimony yet.




This is wonderful news!  I am so happy to hear about you are going to be a parent!  Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I am also so happy to hear your parents’ reaction and the reaction of your band director.
When you have your baby, please send pictures.  I would love to see him/her.

Thank you so much for letting me know your decision.  I think that you have you have make the best decision for both you and your baby.  You have a lot to be proud of.

You know, there might still be people at your school who believe that you should have had an abortion.  If you face opposition at school, I just want you to know that you have made the best decision and if people don’t realize that, it is ok.  You are allowed to make decisions for yourself and they don’t have to agree with it.  After all, it is your body and your choice.

Keep me posted!  And thank you so much for emailing me!

becky love signature

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