I’m 17 and 3 months pregnant.

Wade and I have dated for only about 4 months but we got REALLY serious REALLY fast.

We had actually talked about what we would do if I were to get pregnant somehow. I’ve always said I would get an abortion. I never had a second thought. I honestly didn’t think I would get pregnant, but I knew I wouldn’t be ready for a

baby for a long time. Well one day at work I just felt weird and the first thing I thought was “oh my god i’m pregnant”. I wasn’t even late for my period yet, but I knew. I bought a test on my break and went to the Food Lion bathroom and to my utter shock it said pregnant. I really didn’t know what to do. I just went back to work with my eyes wide. I was so out of it, I kept ringing people up wrong and giving wrong change. Wade was at Busch Gardens that day. I had texted him and told him we needed to talk and he texted “im @ busch gardens i dont want 2 talk. BYE”. I was already ill that I wasn’t at Busch Gardens because all his friends had taken their girlfriends. I don’t know it just hurt my feelings. So i texted back “I’m pregnant. BYE”. He was mad that I wasn’t getting an abortion and saying that I was ruining his life.

Every now and then we would get into big arguments but It always ended up ok. But ever since I told him I was pregnant everything has changed. He calmed down for a while and supported me and was sweet. Then I decided a DID want to get an abortion. I had so many dreams a felt like my baby would hold me back. But I kept putting it off and having an excuse not to go to the clinic. Throughout these couple weeks wade and I had broke up. We hadn’t talked in about 2 weeks when I called him to tell him I was keeping the baby.

What made me decide to keep it was when I watched Juno. That sounds really dumb but just seeing how happy the mom was at the end when Juno gave her a baby made me cry. And wade doesn’t get it. I mean, I get sick all the time and nauseous and like that shows me that the baby is THERE. Like it is affecting me. The things it does to me makes it so much more real. I wish he could understand.

Anyways, after I told him that he turned into like super boyfriend. He was so sweet and nice and wanted to go to the doctor- everything. Slowly though he got ill again. I couldn’t even count all the times he told me i ruined everything for him. He once said I was a gold digger and got pregnant on purpose. He says the nastiest things to me. All I do is cry. He literally makes me want to kill myself. I am so depressed because of him. Things were going good for about 4 days (a record here lately) then today he got pissed because i wanted to know what he was doing. We’re not talking now and I am crazy and stupid, according to him anyway.

I just wish he could support me and help me. I wish he got my moods. I wish he didn’t ask me to give him a back massage when MY back is killing me. I really wish though that I didn’t love him so much. I want him so bad I just do everything he says. All we do anymore is have sex and fight. It makes me feel like absolute garbage!

It sounds really stupid but I feel like if I still have sex with him, I will still kind of have him. Like if I don’t have sex with him I will lose him FOR GOOD. I have such a twisted mind about him. He treats me so badly but I let him. I always said I wouldn’t be that girl but it’s what I’ve become. I’m trying to not talk to him because it’s just a matter of time before he apologizes and wants to have sex. I usually fall for it and then it goes right back to how it was. But I’m going to try not to now.

It sucks a lot though because part of me wants us to be together for my baby. I want him at my appointments and I want to go baby shopping with him. He used to be so different I wish I could get him back how he was.

I miss him. But the way he treats me stresses me out and I don’t need that right now.