At the moment I am 15 weeks along, I think, because I got pretty confused between what the calculator on this site was telling me and what the doctor says, but I think I should probably just stick with what the doctor says. I was just there like “I’m not that far along” and he kept on saying, “I really think you are”, we had a small little argument about it before I just decided to be quiet.

I’m starting to show, in a big way, there’s not just a small bump, it’s pretty sizable, I can cup my stomach in my hands and I don’t quite know how it crept up on me. I was sitting with one of my friends today and she said “Christ Izzy, I don’t mean to offend you, but you look really pregnant”. I just had to tell her, straight out with it and she said she’d been noticing things for a while now.

Despite the fact I’ve been able to contain my excitement long enough not to buy baby clothes, my mum hasn’t, she got them these two onesies with ‘Home Grown’ written on the front, they’re new born size and I just keep looking at the little arm and leg holes wondering how is it possible for someone to be that small.

My boyfriend and I are still together, which surprises me, we’d only been in a relationship for about six or so months before this and I though he’d run for the hills. But even though we’re together, it still feels as if he doesn’t want this. He’s not excited, at all. In fact the only thing that really excites him is the medical side of having twins. He’s a third year med student, two years older than me, and at the scan he kept on quizzing the doctor about the physical process between identical twins, instead of looking at the screen, instead if looking at our children. It just upsets me, I’m so excited for these babies now, even though I’m still terrified, and I don’t understand why he isn’t excited, or just doesn’t care.  It was amazing at the scan, for me anyway. 

He says he wants to do this with me, but is he really serious? We’re moving in together in the Summer, and I don’t want to be a in a position where I’m relying on him and then he just decides to run off. I’d rather become independent now.