I really don’t know what happened. I can’t believe how dumb I was. I’m having a lot of trouble with 1 baby. Nobody is helping me. My mom is overworking now. I haven’t heard a word from my dad since he left us and I was scared my baby wouldn’t have a crib to sleep in.

My baby daddy from my first baby is in jail and I’m praying I’m not pregnant. If I am pregnant, I don’t know what I could do, really. If I am pregnant, this baby daddy is different I hope. Funny how before all this pregnant thing, I used to be the one saying “I’m mature. I can’t take care of myself and I would NEVER be like my friends.” Now I’m in a worse position them most of them. Most of them have their baby daddy helping them or their family. Me. I do online schooling which is hard at times too but it helps. I have to go babysit somebody else’s kids for money while taking care of my own baby. I do anything I can think I can do to help me get a little bit of money. My mom does give me some, but not enough. Now that I’m a mom, I look at my mom and say “I’m never going to be like her or my dad” I’m NEVER going to leave my child. Really, I’m scared. At times, I’m like why am I scared. And my sister told me, “It’s because moms are scared” Maybe she’s right. But really, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and now I’m wishing to go back in time and change but I can’t. I only had 1 life and I chose to go in the wrong direction. My friends don’t call or stop by. And I’m not going to their house because I can’t. They can come and they choose not to. I also heard people tell me that they talk about behind my back. I can’t imagine all the things they’ll say if I really am pregnant, again but what can I do about it, really? I’m 1 person and there’s a million of them. All I can do is hold my chin up. I don’t regret having my daughter.

She’s the best thing in my life but how can I raise 2?