teen unhappy 10My boyfriend and I were together for four years. He was always abusive towards me, even in the beginning. We had been dating for only 2 weeks when he grabbed my throat at a concert and choked me. He was always so remorseful, and sad afterwards that I believed he meant it when he apologized. But I now know that he never did.

When we turned sixteen, I got pregnant with our first child, Trystan, who is now almost three, he never touched me once when I was pregnant with him, so, I thought all of the abuse, was behind me, I was wrong. Right after I gave birth, he continued to hurt me, he bruised my ribs, my face, my neck, and just about everywhere else, and for some reason, I still believed him when he said “I love you”.

Next, I got pregnant with our daughter, Kaitlyn, and things weren’t good at all. I remember many nights, and days, when I would have to roll in a ball and scream, {josquote}”please don’t hurt the baby”{/josquote} because the beatings got worse with that pregnancy. Luckily, Kate came out healthy and happy, even after having to fear more than once that I would lose her.

After she was born, we finally lived in our own house, and he hit me almost everyday.

One day, I was holding our then two month old daughter, and he pushed me so hard, that my body broke through the wall, it was all that I could do to protect my daughters head.

We got married last May, and our marriage was full of rape and abuse, that still torment my dreams to this day. He left me, six months pregnant with twins, alone with our children last October, and hasn’t been back since. He has two children that he doesn’t even know, but I truely believe in my heart that him leaving was for the best, we are all more happy than ever.

Yet, I still feel horrible, all of the time, I hurt, more than I ever have, constantly, I do what ever I can to dull it, but it just doesn’t go away. I keep finding myself drinking, and stealing pill, though I would never let it inhibit how I care for my kids, but I just can’t stop hurting. It hurts so bad that I feel physical pain. I have nightmares that he kills me, and steals my babies, and it horrifies me. I don’t know what to do.

I need massive help, and someone to talk to. I just can’t hold it in anymore.

Someone, please help me, please!


Hi, Trystan’s mommy,

My name is Mary and I used to write on the standupgirl website. I read your email and it touched me to the heart and made me cry, because I have two children too.When I became a mom, I realized how much mothers love their babies. It’s the most powerful love in the world! Nothing can prepare you for it!

You sound like an amazing mom. Even though things have been incredibly painful and difficult for you, you are thinking about your kids first. You must be an amazing young woman to have the strength to be the single mother of four children and to love them so much.

I know it is hard to live without your husband, and part of you must want him back, sometimes. That’s only natural. But you are absolutely right about him. He is not safe for you or your children, and the best thing you can do for them and yourself is to stay AWAY from him.

I know you will do the right thing. You sound like a very strong woman! Just think, you’ve given birth three times, once to twins!

If you were my sister, I would just say one more thing. If you ever need help with anything (you mentioned drinking, pills) or even just help around the house with your kids….don’t be afraid to get help from charity agencies or social welfare. Do you live in a town? Look and see what’s there.

I’m sorry I don’t know your name! I didn’t see it. I just want to send my love and let you know that I’m thinking and praying for you, wherever you are.

Love, Mary



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