staring at pregnancy testI was 18 years old when I found out that I was pregnant.  I was dating a guy for 2 years at the time.  It was a text book abusive relationship that everyone swears will never happen to them.  I wasn’t allowed to talk to or see any of my friends. I was limited to discussions with my family.  I had broken apart from all that I knew but him. If I didn’t do what I was told, I was punished. If I didn’t check in with him 4 times a day as to where I was and what I was doing — I was punished. This is how I lived my life.  I was miserable and physically ill.  Standing at 5’7 and barely 98lbs with bones protruding from my face and hips, I was anything but healthy. But he said he loved me and whether I believed him or not I stayed.

I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day lighting one off the other, until one day they made me feel sick so I started to cut down.   I sat down at a table one day and I drew a picture of a sleeping baby and it was then I knew that I was pregnant.  I called a friend and they took me to the medi-center and it was there that my thoughts became a reality.  I lived in a small apartment with my brother at the time and when I got home I called my boyfriend at work to tell him I was pregnant. Immediately he came over with 5 different at home pregnancy tests, and he stood and watched me take them in front of him (humiliating)  All 5 came out positive. The next day he came over and I was home alone. He talked to me about having an abortion saying that my body was too sick to handle a pregnancy and if I had one he would stay with me. “ It’s me or that”  I told him that he would have to leave. At that moment he had decided that if I wouldn’t have an abortion that he would give me one. I remember him holding me down by the throat on the bed ready to punch me in the stomach when I kicked him and ran. I ran and screamed for what seemed like an hour until finally he caught me and threw me into the door. It was then that my brother came home and took care of the situation and kicked him out.

I have never seen or heard from him since. I had a restraining order implemented and didn’t put his name on the birth certificate. I have never asked for child support because to be honest, you couldn’t pay me enough to deal with him.

My pregnancy was a nightmare with ultra sounds every 2 weeks.  The Doctor’s suspected my daughter to be very malnourished, apparently her legs were not growing, she may have some physical deformations and she might be mentally slow.  The recommendation was to terminate my “fetus”.

I gave birth to a very intelligent, perfectly sculpted baby girl, who is tall and is nothing but legs.  Am I ever glad I didn’t listen to technology.

My daughter has just turned 5 recently and believe me; being a Mom is my life.  Sometimes I look back to the days when I first had her and laugh at the times I had to put her to bed in a snow suit because I couldn’t pay the heating bill. I used to buy KFC every Tuesday and stock up on their $2.00 special.  When we started we had nothing but each other. No TV to watch, no car to drive in, no couch to sit on. Just us; cuddled in blankets and winter jackets to keep warm.   I now hold a reputable job at a reputable company.  Together we have replaced all that we have, and bought a new car. By the time I reach 25 I will own my own home. To all the girls out there who want to give up, DON’T.  I stood strong on my own two feet and I have beaten the odds.  My daughter was the greatest gift I ever could have received. Being pro life to me is not about saving a child’s life as much as it is about saving your own. She is my Angel and she saved my life. Where would I be now without my daughter? When you save a baby you save yourself, and open yourself up to great possibilities and rewards you never thought existed.  The meaning of her names is “ Clear Morning Warrior” and at night my heart breaks when she prays: 

Dear Jesus,
Thank You for coming back from dying,
Please one day will you send me a good Daddy?
Thank You.
Amen.

If my daughter can walk through the fire so can you…have faith and God will be there with you all the way..you may not see him but he is walking next to you holding your hand every step you take and within every decision you make…by the way my daughter now has her very own Daddy and her prayers have been answered as well. He’ll answer yours.