When i was 8 years old, my uncle started abusing me. At the time i was scared, vulnerable and confused. I never knew quite what was happening. I mean what 8 year old girl would understand what was happening. As i grew up i started to realize what was happening to me.
To this day i suffer from flashbacks every time i hear his name, or see something that reminds me of him.
My uncle continually raped me until the age of 14. It lasted 7 years. Then my parents and i moved away. By this time i didn't know what was happening in my body. I was pregnant from rape. I dropped out of school. I had no friends. No support. Its like my life was wiped away from under me.
I was 2 month in to my pregnancy by the time i realized that i was pregnant. I kept my baby. But at the time i was also anorexic. My pregnancy didn't go as i would have wanted. My body couldn't digest the amount of food i needed to eat. I was ill. My baby girl was ill. I was stupid and reckless.
I started hanging around with the wrong people and that also didn't help. I just wanted friends. I wanted company. I needed it, i was going insane. Anyway i did my nine months and i had my baby girl who even though she was born of rape, i loved her very much.
However after giving birth i had to go into surgery as i damaged myself severally. I went in to surgery and came out 4 hours later to find out that my little girl had died. I held her once. Once.
I cried and i cried... all my parents could say was thank god, you can have a future and go back to school and get a good job. My parents didn't care. They were just glad. I can never have another child again.
The surgery left me infertile. All i can say is i will never forgive myself, my parents or my uncle. I hate everyone now, i hate people, i hate babies, i hate children. But for some reason i had to share my story and try and get it off of my chest. I'm glad that i spoke out. Hopefully this might help someone, they way i needed help.