my life after rape

When i was 8 years old, my uncle started abusing me. At the time i was scared, vulnerable and confused. I never knew quite what was happening. I mean what 8 year old girl would understand what was happening. As i grew up i started to realize what was happening to me.

To this day i suffer from flashbacks every time i hear his name, or see something that reminds me of him. 

My uncle continually raped me until the age of 14. It lasted 7 years. Then my parents and i moved away. By this time i didn't know what was happening in my body. I was pregnant from rape. I dropped out of school. I had no friends. No support. Its like my life was wiped away from under me.

I was 2 month in to my pregnancy by the time i realized that i was pregnant. I kept my baby. But at the time i was also anorexic. My pregnancy didn't go as i would have wanted. My body couldn't digest the amount of food i needed to eat. I was ill. My baby girl was ill. I was stupid and reckless.

I started hanging around with the wrong people and that also didn't help. I just wanted friends. I wanted company. I needed it, i was going insane. Anyway i did my nine months and i had my baby girl who even though she was born of rape, i loved her very much.

However after giving birth i had to go into surgery as i damaged myself severally. I went in to surgery and came out 4 hours later to find out that my little girl had died. I held her once. Once.

I cried and i cried... all my parents could say was thank god, you can have a future and go back to school and get a good job. My parents didn't care. They were just glad. I can never have another child again.

The surgery left me infertile. All i can say is i will never forgive myself, my parents or my uncle. I hate everyone now, i hate people, i hate babies, i hate children. But for some reason i had to share my story and try and get it off of my chest. I'm glad that i spoke out. Hopefully this might help someone, they way i needed help.

Comments (2)

  1. chelseyanne460

Oh, my! I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through! I want you to know that there is an excellent community of young women on this site who are here for you! The circumstances for your life have been terrible, but you can know that you...

Oh, my! I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through! I want you to know that there is an excellent community of young women on this site who are here for you! The circumstances for your life have been terrible, but you can know that you aren't alone as you walk this road.

Your future is not over. There is still a lot of life to live. It is going to look different that you had probably imagined, but there is so much that you can do through your pain to help other girls who may be going through what you went through. I know that it is hard to think about helping others through your pain, but that will help you with healing from this tragedy in your life.

I want you to know that I am here for you if you need to talk!

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  1. MB

Hello dear, after having read your story, I am so sorry for what you have been through... I just want to say that you deserve so much love and respect, but you have been wounded and taken advantage of...I was deeply moved by your story, and I...

Hello dear, after having read your story, I am so sorry for what you have been through... I just want to say that you deserve so much love and respect, but you have been wounded and taken advantage of...I was deeply moved by your story, and I just wanted to say that you have been so courageous in giving your child life and am very sorry to hear of your loss!!!

I just want to back up what chelseyanne said below: This community of stand up girl are all here for you, and want to help, love and encourage! You are not alone...I hope and pray for a wonderful future for you, because you deserve one!

Here if you want to talk!!
Lots of love and God Bless,
MB xoxox

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  Comment was last edited about 2 years ago by BellaBella BellaBella
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