It all started in February of 2009, the second semester of my grade 9 year. I was walking back to my classroom from the washroom and he was walking towards me.. I don't know what it was about him, but right then and there, I knew I had to have him. He made my heart melt.. He was 17 I was 15.. I got to know him, and found out he had a girlfriend.. She was really protective and he wasn't aloud to hang out with me.. She made him stop talking to me, and when they broke up, a couple months later we started talking in November of 2010. We finally hung out in the new year, and then i remembered why i fell for him in the first place.. His eyes, the way he smelled, the way he carried himself.. From my eyes i saw perfection! Between then and the middle of April 2011 we had been together on and off. I never could quite make him happy enough to make him want to stay.. Some other girl always had something better to offer.. Until she broke his heart. But he'd always come back, and the way he made me feel- made me keep taking him back because no one else had ever made me feel so in love. He had hurt me so bad, so many times, but I never cared.. Not if it meant I would get him back. Sometimes it was girls I didn't know, and sometimes it would be my really good friends.. But I never found out by him, it was always someone else.. Which made me feel like the biggest idiot on this earth, thinking maybe this time he would stay with me.. Like he always promise. At the end of grade 10, when summer holidays started we had a fight because once again, ad "friend" had got between us. Now when I think of it, if he had really loved me and cared for me like he said he did he wouldn't have done anything to hurt me, but if she was my best friend like she said she would, she wouldn't have done anything either.. This is when i realized I was never really worth it to either of them. We didn't talk for 2 weeks max, but to me it felt like years. Near the end of June - beginning of July I have having weird symptoms.. My boobs hurt every time they were touched and they would start to leak, I always felt ill in the mornings, but never was actually sick, and I had the worst headaches in the world! I knew right then I was pregnant.. I kept putting it to the back of my mind but no matter how far i pushed it back, it wasn't going away. I told my mom I needed to get a test, she was the only one I told besides Tyler. I knew he was the dad, he was the only boy I had ever slept with.. He was concerned and told me he would be there for us. Me and my mom are like peanut butter and jam. I knew she wouldn't think any less of me, and I knew I could talk to her about anything. Finally one day we were at the drug store and we picked one up. The cheapest one on the shelf. As soon as I walked in the door at home I went to the washroom to take the test. I already knew what the result would be but I needed to be reassured. The tests say it will take up to 3 minutes to activate, mine took maybe 3 seconds. There it was, that pink line you know is going to show, but somehow wish it would just be some kind of nightmare. I don't know why I cried, because I was definitely not shocked, but every 16 year old would right? I mean, you have so many different thoughts running through your head you don't know what to think. I showed my mom and we booked an appointment at the clinic to get information on all the options. I always said abortion and adoption were never for me, but I never thought it would happen to me, either. By the end of August I had an appointment with my family doctor. He said we would try to find the heartbeat. He told me it might be a little early, but we tried anyways. He found it within a minute, and then and there I knew.. I could not picture myself without it. It was my own flesh and blood, and he/she was depending on his/her mommy to build him/her big and strong. I was so emotional, I told Tyler right away there was no way I could get rid of it.. But still, he told me he would support me. I was nervous about telling my family and friends, but when the word got loose, drama started.. I had rumours going around about me more than you could imagine. People said I was faking for attention, slept around so I didn't actually know who the father was, etc. I went home everyday and cried.. I felt like such a piece of dirt. The months dragged on, and then Tyler got a girlfriend. We didn't talk for months, because again, he chose someone else over me. But of course, got hurt in the end. We started talking when they were having problems, because he knew he could always come to me to talk, to vent, or for advice. They broke up in February and Tyler and I got close again. He was getting excited to meet his son, as was I. On March 22, 2011 I had my beautiful baby boy, Benjamin. Tyler came and sat with me after he was done school both nights I was in the hospital. He was in love I could see it in his eyes. When I got home I had many visitors , both family and friends. Even Tyler. For the first few weeks I was on cloud 9. I had everything I ever dreamed of. Of course, it wouldn't stay like that. It never did. Tyler didn't want people finding out he talked to me, or had anything to do with his son. He even denied him to anyone that asked. I couldn't believe after everything that this was happening all over again. I found out he was seeing other girls as well, and we were done. He blamed me, because everything was always my fault. Always. And not a week later ( in the month of May), and he was dating someone else. They are still together to this day, but I know they won't last. A part of me will always want him, and I know I will forever love him. To me, love isn't a feeling that will go away. But the thing that means the most to me is the little boy whom I get to hold every night and put to sleep. He relies on me, and has since June 2010 when he was conceived. He is 11 weeks today, and they have been the most precious 11 weeks of my life. I love him more than anything in the world, and I cannot picture life without him. Tyler may come and go, and come and go, but one thing is for sure.. My baby boy will never leave me, nor will i EVER leave him.
- Written by jodiexmarshall