So, this is my first blog entry. I think a while I go I was trying to do one, and I ended up posting it in the forums instead. Start with a bit about me, I'm Sadie, 20 years old from England. At the moment I'm juggling cookery courses at college, along with work at my local restaurant and bringing up Noah and Max. They are identical twin boys, but Noah's hair for some strange reason is a little curler and slightly lighter than Max's; he's also the loudest and the bossiest, where as Noah is quieter and secretly mischievous. 

They've just turned four and are now in nursery all day which is very very odd, suddenly I have a big gap in my day to fill.  I live with my mum, and at the moment we are battling over how much rent should be paid and I'm thinking of finally, maybe, eventually getting my own place. 

That's sort of why I'm writing this, because it feels like the next chapter. 

It's strange, because when I had Max and Noah I felt like I had to grow up a lot quicker. I used to look at my friends and think they were so immature, drinking and treating exams like they didn't matter when now I'd kill to go back and do well in my exams, but now I feel like the immature one. They're all at university, in their own places, where as I'm still living at home, dependent on my own mum. I want to set an example for Noah and Max, show them that their Mum can be independent and so that they can grow up in a family home I've created. If only money grew on trees. Or if only houses grew on trees. Either one. 

So I've finally done it, and put my name down for a council flat in my local area. It's probably going to be a long wait but I've started the process and hopefully by the time the boys start school we'll be in our own little home. That's another thing that's new, next year they start school! Ahhhhhhhhhh, it's all happening too fast. I've started looking round the local primary schools with my mum and I feel like I'm making a huge decision. I mean, that's the most crucial point of your life, when you start school, it sets up your social skills and how much you can achieve academically. I've also been asked if I want the boys to be in the same class and that's another question I'm muddled on. Of course I want them to be individuals, and have their own friends but at least if they're in the same class they'll have each other if anything goes wrong. Then again they can be such a handfull when they're together, it might be kinder to the teachers to keep them apart. Still very confused.. 

One part of the boys growing up is wondering if I'm ever going to have children again myself. I was holding my friend's ten day old baby the other day and I had a huge wave of nostalgia about my own babies. I'm missing that more everyday, keeping them soft and warm where I know they're safe. The boys still love their cuddles and kisses at bedtime, but how long before I become boring old mum or embarrassing mum that dances to cringy music no one else likes. Broodiness is kicking in.. 

 

Wow, long rant. Sorry for anyone who actually read that! 

 

Saydie 

 

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