soo right now all i can do is hope, i have a blood test in the next couple of days too see if im pregnant again, im scared..but not because i might be having a baby, im scared because i might not be. I didnt want to have an abortion but i thought i loved my ex (chris) so much that when he told me he'd leave me i did what ever he told me too. im 15 but if i must say so myself i have lived a long and hard 15 years,  so i thought i might tell you some stuff about myself,  well i have never met my father, he left before i was born, it kind of hurts knowing how much he's missed but thats his fault, when i was 12 my mum, my two brothers and i moved to port macquarie NSW in austrailia,  i met some friends i thought were great, but turns out they were into some bad stuff, by the time i was 14 i was an acholic and was addicted to a drug called gas, i was also in government care because i was that out of controll mum couldnt help me anymore,  at the start of last year i got raped, after it happened thats when things got worse, i was selfharming and i had no self respect, my family moved to brisbane and i was there alone, all i wanted was to be loved and for some one to want me, and care for me, i had alot of older boys tell me they love me, than as soon as they got what they wanted, they left. On the 1st of march 2010, at 11 at night, i had my group of friends drinking on what we called the warf, my bestfriend Mitch, and his two friends zac and kirra, left to go to a party and we stayed behind not wanting to go, at 12 o'clock my friend came to me screaming and crying telling me somthing happened to Mitch, i laughed at her and told her it wasn't funny and walked away, the next morning my friend and her dad that i was living with at the time came in to my room, they looked very conserned, i sat up and they game me a cup of coffee, they didnt say anything for a while, i thought i was in trouble, aventully they told me something happend last night, to mitch. He got beaten and thrown in frount of a car, Mitch died that night.
As soon as i lost mitch i turned my life around, i now do not drink or take drugs, im back at my mums house, and we have a very happy and close relationship.  it was a long and hard year to get to where i am, but i had faith in my self and i knew i could change to make myself a better person for me and for everyone around me... basicly what i'm trying to tell everyone is when i was down and had nothing all i had left was hope, and faith in myself.  Some times in life you only have yourself to relie on, i just want you all to know, you CAN do it. i promis you that.

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