I had an abortion about 4 yrs ago. Nobody knows except my mom and my boyfriend. I was to ashamed to tell anyone else but reading everybodys stories gave me the strength to tell mine.
     I was 14. My boyfriend (who im still with) and i had a bad relationship. He would cheat on me and date other girls then i would take him back.I have always suffered from depression and the things he was doing to me drove me crazy. It felt like i couldnt breathe without him. He was my everything the only person i had. My mom was hooked on pills my father was never around and my sisters done their own thing.I cut mysel alot.It helped me deal with the pain.Cody and I was sexually active.We used condoms most of the time but i guess one time we didnt i got pregnant.It was May of 07 and the last day of school and Cody broke up with me for a girl he always cheated on me with and i knew he did but i didnt care as long as i had him.Well when i got home my mom was at work and it was just me and my little sister who was 12 at the time. I was so devastated.I didnt know i was pregnant yet.I ran to my room and took sleeping pills and cut my wrists BAD!! blood was everywhere.I passed out.My little sis came in and seen what i had done and she couldnt wake me up so she called 911.Ambulance came brought me to the hospital and they stitched me up.Luckily no serious damage was done.My mom came up there with my aunt and cousin.My mom was so scared and upset.I felt so bad for doing this to her.but i didnt want to live anymore.It wasnt just Cody that hurt me it was everything.I felt like i was drowning in a black hole with no escape.They told my mom i had to go to mental hospital.They kept me on suicide watch in a padded room and straight jacket for the first 2 days then i was put in a room.They had me on so many different meds 1 for deppression 1 for bipolor and some other ones that made me  a zombie.I remember some things but not all.My mom and sisters came to visit me and it made my mom sick seeing me so zoned out.I couldnt hold my neice cause i was weak and shaking.I was in there for 8 days.I had no pregnancy simptons that i noticed so being pregnant never crossed my mind.The day before i left they gave me a pee test to make sure all my meds were in my system and i guess they done a pregnancy test cause they told me and my mom when i was leaving that i was pregnant.My mom didnt know me and cody were having sex.My mom hated Cody.They took me off the meds except my antideppresants and bipolor meds.They said it wouldnt hurt the baby.I was so out of it that i didnt even register to me that i was having a baby.When i got home my mom called Cody and told him i was out of the hospital and i was pregnant.He didnt care.He was running around having fun while i suffered.My mom and i went to the dr and i was 12 weeks pregnant.We talked and i decided i couldnt have a baby.I just got out of a mental hospital and was severly underweight (80 pounds) and depressed plus i thought that the baby was hurt already from all the meds. May 27th was the day i decided to kill my child.My mom called and set up an appointment.I was so numb on the way there my mom cried and cried.She didnt want me to go through this but we had no other choice.My mom was a single mother workin like a man to support 3 daughters plus my neice.We had no money or even a place to put the baby.We got there and i filled out paperwork and they brought me back there and done an ultrasound i was 13 weeks pregnant.Dr came in and asked me if i was ready i said yes.I was still numb.They gave me pain meds and laid me on the table and sucked my baby out of me.It hurt God it hurt.I cried and told them to stop but it was to late my baby was gone.I seen her.In my mind it was a girl.I seen my dead bloody baby in a bowl.That was when it hit me.They gave me more pain pills and i left.The ride back was horrible.My mom tried to comfort me but i was in hysterics.What had i done??? I killed my baby my innocent child who didnt ask to be born.She didnt deserve what i had done to her because i was to selfish and deppressed.I slept for days.I finally called Cody and told him.He cried and apoligized for making me do this.We talked for a while and decided to give it another chance.We have been together for 5 years now and i have given birth to 3 boys.Cameron is 2 and a half Ethan who i gave up is 1 and a half and Kaiden is 7 months.I wanted a girl so bad but i know that i killed my little girl.I still suffer from major depression and think about her everyday.I named her Promise Leigh.I have never shared this horrible part of my life with anyone.I hope this story helps people.Aborting my baby was the worst thing ive ever done even though i thought it was the best thing at the time and i will regret it till the day i die.I would give anything to have her back.I am very lucky that God gave me another chance to be a mother to my 2 sons.If your thinkin of abortion think again.You will regret it.

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