Almost a week ago i did the hardest thing possible. i terminated my pregnacy. i felt like i had no other choice. i did what i had to but it still hurts.

it started when i met this guy at a local gas station. i had seen him there a few times & we flirted back & forth untill he asked me for my number. we texted for a while, then we decided to hang out. I had recently lost the love of my life. he got into some bad things & landed himself in jail. so i was a little vulnerable. He had also gotten out of a serious relationship with a girl who's son he called "his".
well things got easy between us. we went out to movies, parties , mudholes. we had a good time together. then we were sitting in the back of his truck at the local mudhole, just watching the satrs & we had sex for the first time. stupidly with no protection.  we had done it a few more times before i found out i was PG. before i found out he told me he was going back to his ex & that we were basically over.  i was pretty upset but i thought it would get better, i was wrong.

Not even 2 weeks later i realized i had missed a period. i decided to wait a few more days untill i took a test.  when i did take the tes & i saw the pink lines i just froze. I didnt want to believe it. i was 1- & preggo by a guy who left me for someone else. what was i to do?

for i few days i ignored it, i just pretended it wasnt real & went on with life. then i realized i had to tell someone, it was eating away at me. i was slowly breaking. so i texted the father & said "we need to talk". he didnt reply for hours. then he said what do you need to talk about . then i told him i was pregnant & he was like "ok? and.."  i said & your the ******* father! he was like well idk what to tell you, this is crazy. so i told him i didnt know what i was going to do & i wanted him to have some kind of say. he said whatever i wanted to do.  so i said i would get back to him.

well my sister found out & told my mom. she was supportive & told me my options. ive always kinda been against abortion, but also pro-choice.  i just never thought it was for me. well one night i was at work & i got a call from john(the father) buh i rejected & sent a text stating i was working & couldnt answer. this was the reply "this is his babymom & i wanna know if your really pregnant or not. tell me whats going on nw" i was shocked by this & i didnt know what to say so i didnt reply right away. when i got home i texted back saying "this is between me & john & if you want to know whats going on ask him". she told me she didnt give a s*** if you are, but you better give it up.
i cried & thats when i knew id be alone in all this. so i talked with my mom, & i made the decsion to have an abortion. at the time i thought it was right. the babys father would be in & out of its life, & would be taking care of a child that wasnt his instead of his own. so i had to do it. i was young & felt alone. when i got the pills from the clinic i waited 2days to insert them. almost righ away i felt pain. maybe an hour later i began to bleed. i felt something come out of me & i went to the bathroom & on the pad i was wearing i saw my baby. it was very small & barley had any blood on it. i freaked! i began to scream & cry for my mom. she told me everything was ok & that i would be fine. the father never called or texted to see if i was ok, knowing that i was having the abortion & when. all this happend just a week ago & i feel so much regret & guilt. that was my baby & i just killed it. im not sure how life would be if i decided to keep it, but i know i will never forget what i saw & what ive done. i will always think of my baby & wonder what if.

thank you for listening to my story.

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