Well in little over a week, it will be 2 years since my abortion, and yet it still feels like it was last week.               I still have my sonogram from when I went into the clinic, my boyfriend doesn't know I have it...but I needed something to remind me that my baby was real. I am trying my absolute hardest to come to terms with my decision, but I can't. My boyfriend wants me to talk to someone in his church about it, but I can't, especially someone from a church, I don't want to be judged.. This last Sunday I went to church with him and they were starting off their pregnancy resource center charity fundraiser event (of course). But that day I heard word-for-word what I have been terrfied about hearing going to church. I couldn't help it, I started crying, it hurt so badly listening to that, I didn't want my boyfriend to see, but he did. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to hear in my life. I know what I did was horrible, but I've never had to hear someone say exactly how horrible what I did was..               
               Why can't I just get over my abortion!! I want it behind me! I dont want to cry everytime abortion is mentioned! I dont want to be jealous everytime I hear someone is pregnant!                 I just want my baby girl back...is that so bad? My boyfriend said if I got pregnant again before we were married, he would marry me before the baby was born, but then how would I ever know if he married me because he wanted to, or just because he got me pregnant again.
               Last night he told me that he doesn't feel comfortable having sex with me because hes scared that I will get pregnant again...I was already feeling horrible about everything thats happened this week and now my boyfriend won't even touch me?! Really?!?!
               I want things to be like it never happened. But I always feel like I am carrying this guilt alone, he never shows any sort of emotion when it comes to this subject. Why can he get over it so quickly when  I can't?  Someone please help me, what did you do to get over your abortion? :-( :-(

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