It was about 5 months ago when you came into my life. It was unexpected, but was the happiest moment of my life. I wondered what would come of it and how I would manage, but with your father by my side, I knew everything would be alright. Every day I woke up and rubbed my belly and said “I love you”. I know you were not able to hear me physically or feel me touch you, but I feel deep down inside, that you knew I was saying it to you. It has been a long journey and a hard one, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Having you with me everyday, reminds me that there is someone now to live for everyday of my life. Someone I know on a more personal base.
As the days got colder and the nights got longer, changes started occuring inside of me. Flutters of joy I started to feel in my stomach. It was you! I could feel you. For the first time in my life, I felt a joy I had never felt before. So amazing, yet so surreal – even though I knew it was you. I have had my tough times with being sick and having weight loss, but I once again can say this to you honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. No matter what happens to me, you will always be my little one. You will always be my angel, my baby.
I think about you every day and who you will look like. Will you look like mommy, or will you look more like daddy? Or maybe you’ll look like one of your aunts! Who knows!?! All I know is that you’ll be you and that you’ll be mine. I may be young and I know that, but I promise this to you right now. I promise to take care of you, no matter how hard times get. No matter how scared I may end up feeling, you are my pride and joy and I will protect you in all ways that I can. I love you unconditionally and always will.
When you grow up and become a beautiful young lady, I hope you will come to me. When you get your heart broken, I want you to know that my shoulder is here for you to cry on and my heart and ears are here to listen. If you’re having troubles at school, please…don’t hide from me. I want to help you get through it all. If you do something you aren’t proud of, I hope you can come to me and ask for help. That’s what I am here for. I am here for you.
Your father, well he’s a funny one. He’s a good hearted man and he loves you so much as well. Him and I might argue at times, but we don’t mean to hurt you. I know that right now, you may not understand much, but one day you’ll know the tough, yet rewarding aspects of a relationship and how much love and joy can come of it. I promise you though, him and I are doing the best we can for you. Our love for each other is as strong as our love for you. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. The day we see your face here on earth, will be the start of a brand new life for us all.
Do you want to know what I’m most excited for? I’m excited to bring you home and have you all to myself. To wake up with you when your cry and to enjoy your laughter as you enjoy mine. To watch you sleep in the comfort and safety of my arms. To look at you and know you are a gift from God. He gave you to me and your dad. If it wasn’t for Him, you wouldn’t exist. You wouldn’t be coming into our lives and enhancing our entire being, if it weren’t for Him.
Another thing I have to tell you now, is that you have lots of friends and family already, who love you and can’t wait to meet you. They are just as excited as mommy and daddy are. When I hear them talk about you and hear them say how much they can’t wait to see you, it warms my heart and makes me want to cry, knowing I can’t see you yet. But don’t worry, they are not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, knowing that you are safely tucked inside me, waiting until your time is here.
I hope you like us. We are goofy, yet loving. We have good and bad days , but are always full of love and forgiveness. One day you’ll understand what I’m saying. I’m sure there’ll be a day when you are embarrased to walk around the mall with us, because of how weird we are. But we love you anyways!
I’m letting you know now , that in the future, you will make mistakes. And we will not be happy with them, but we will never stop loving you. We might discipline you, but we will never discipline out of anger. I hope you will see that later on in life. We care for you already and will care so much more when we are able to help you and protect you and keep you safe. To see you get ready for prom in your senior year and graduate from high school. I can’t wait for that day! I never got that experience, because of my own wrong decisions, but I hope that you are smarter then I was and can enjoy it! Of course, expect me to be in tears while taking hundreds of pictures of you before you leave!
When you’re scared to go off to college, if that be what you decide, always remember you havea home to come back to when you need it. Your father and I will not judge your decisions, but help you make smart ones. We also will make mistakes while you’re growing up and some may end up hurting you, so right now I am apologizing to you. We don’t mean to and I promise that we’ll try hard not to do it, but if it does…I am sorry. I hope you can forgive us. We love you.
There are still four months before I get to see you physically, but I have decided to write this for you now. I felt in my heart I had to, for some unknown reason. But this is for you. Every word is truthful and honest. And as I type this out for you, I can feel you move and it makes me smile. It keeps me wondering for sure, who you are and what you’ll be like. And I couldn’t be happier to have it kept a secret for 9 whole months. Gives me something spectacular to look forward to! Well, I’m not sure of what else I can say, other then your daddy and I love you unconditionally.
Can’t wait to meet you Baby. You are the absolute best thing that has happened to your father and I.
We love you darling .
Love Mommy <3