Thinking bout my old life. It might be my fault that my family fell apart, i know it's my fault. Maybe if i wasn't preganct my dad wouldn't have left like that he might have gotten a regular diviorse. Told us in advance and not leave us. If I wasn't pregnent then my mom wouldn't have gotten so sour. She used to be the sweetest mom. In school i used to write to her every mothers day. I used to hug her and tell her "i love you" every night and she would say " i love you" back.  Now i can't look at her without her glaring at me or telling me that now she has another mouth to feed. 
When i was younger my mom used to tell me that i was the joy in her life and that she had big planes for me. IN the pictures i see when i was a baby i saw everyone happy, caring, loving, perfect. I see those pictures and i think about the future.
I think about the could have happen and what didn't happen and what is happening. I think about my dad, and ask questions, i think bout my baby daddy and ask questions, i think bout my mom and think bout quesitons, i think about my sister who i let down, i think about my friends and ask then why did they leave me. I thought we were BFF. I think bout my baby and i think about me.
Pregnancy did change my life.  I don't want to put my baby for adoption but im starting to. I don't i don't and i don't want to put my little girl in adoption. I really don't. I don't think i can. But i don't have money, im only 14 no place is going to hire a 14 year old girl who doesnt' even go to school and has a baby and if their was a place what will happen with my lil girl. THiers nowere to leave her. I can't leave her with a stranger, no way. and i can't leav her iwth anybody i know they wouldn't take care of her and they don't even care. I don't even have a crib for her and not even clothes for her to live. The enviroment in my house is bad. Im all alone. In my head i don't even know what age i am sometimes.  SOmetimes i do feel like my age but their times that i just want to crall up in a ball and cry my heart out and i want my mom their to hug me and confort me. Thier are times i fell like a little kid and their are times i feel like an 42 year old women.
Crushes, dates, movies, parties, school, teenage life. Thats all gone. I envy some teen moms. Im like wow i wish i had thier life. With even five dollors will help at least but i wasted all my collage money and all my saving money to buy at least a couple things for the baby and now my bank i have litterly 0 dollors. ZERO. nothing.
I don't know anymore.

Comments (0)

There are no comments posted here yet

Need Help?

standupgirl contact becky

Search Real Stories

Share your story on StandUpGirl

Get 24 hour live support!
Optionline chat

StandUpGuy Story by Kyle

standupgirl app

Translate Our Page

enes

StandUpGirl Login

Welcome to StandUpGirl