Feb. 7th 2010, I found out I was pregnant for the 4th time, just had a baby girl 8/11/2009.  Another baby was impossible mentally, financially. Me and my boyfriend were living in his parents house. His mom was a crazy wench. She herassed me constantly. Well I moved out the day I found out I was pregnant, but that was planned a week before. I moved with a close friend. But it was only til I could get on my feet, how could that happen with another baby on the way? So a week later I made the call that would change my life forever. Feb. 19th 2010 at about 9am my baby was taken from me. I was 6 weekss and 1 day. I felt in my gut, in my heart that it was the little boy I could never hold. I named him Zachary Ryan when I really started to grieve for that baby. I was so against abortion and then went a did it anyway. I regret that decision and will for the rest of my life. No one warned me about the mental issues that go along with abortion. Im so depressed, I cry for my baby EVERYDAY! i developed bulimia. I've become very angry. And sex, yeah it doesn't happen anymore. I got an iud put in and won't touch my boyfriend unless there's protection. Still there's no desire. Took me 2 months after my abortion. So far it's only been 3 times since Feb. I feel so alone, like the only woman who grieves for the baby that I chose to abort. I miss him everyday. My due date is coming up next month, its going to be a sad day.

To Zachary, I am so so sorry for the decision I made out of fear. If I just sat down and not listened to anyone you would've been welcomed into our arms next month. Mommy and Daddy miss you so much and regret everyday of our lives what we did! Nothing can take it back. I pray everyday that you are happy and at peace!

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