My life has been far from perfect... I've made several mistakes throughout my teenage life that lead me to the position I am in now. I made poor sexual choices that resulted in not only hurting myself but several people around me as well. I dont really know what happened in between then and now, all I can say is that I've grown, developed, and learned to make much better descisions with my body and otherwise. 
I am 20 years old, I have a boyfriend of 3 years whom I love, and together we have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl. We had an apartment for about 9 months, but he hasnt worked in over a year and I quit my job in June. We ran out of money and got evicted leaving the 3 of us back at my mothers house.  I'm beyond hurt. I feel like i wasted all my money,time, and energy when I was the only one trying to provide for my family. Now I have poor credit, no savings, no apartment, and I'm about $2,000 in debt.
wanna know the best part to this fairy tale life I lead?

We're pregnant again.

yup, thats right.. were gunna have another baby... making our 2 children less than 18 months apart.

we've agreed that we can barely provide a good lifestyle for our daughter alone and to add another child into the mix would be very unfair for her, let alone an extremely large amount of work for the 2 of us. I've always disagreed with abortion and never really spoke to anyone who had an abortion, about their abortion. about an hour ago i read exactly what they do to a woman and he fetus to preform an abortion and frankly it makes me sick. We've considered giving the child to a couple in the family that is unable to concieve children.

at this point i truely believe that that is the best choice for the baby.  I know we do not have the resources to care for another child. I know that the people we are considering giving the child to do. what I dont know is..  how are we going to explain this to the kids when they get older? will they spite me for this decsision and say i love one more than the other because i decided to keep them?.. am i wrong if i have another child after this one and decided to keep it?  how am i going to tell my mother that im pregnant, again?

and i understand i am a mother now and things like parties and how i look shouldnt really concern me.. but im still young, i found out i was pregnant with my first child on my 19th birthday (in march) and had the baby in december...  so i couldnt really do anything then.. or for my 20th bday.. so im already getting excited for my 21st b.c its supposedto be a big deal....   but it looks like ill be around 36 weeks pregnant then so no celebration... and i mean.. i gained 60lbs with my first baby...  60 freakin pounds!!!!   i have so many stretch marks on my stomach legs and hips that i looks like a zebra.. i often compare my stomach to that of my grandmothers.. saggy and wrinkly....  and it really... i mean REALLY bothers me.. im 20... yea know.. most 20 year olds look good.. 5'6'' 135 lbs like.. i got a nice figure.. but my skin looks terrible and i have love handles...  and i just dont know how im gunna look after i have another baby...
i just got used to not being pregnant... now i have to spend the next 40 weeks , peeing and sleeping and eating and nauseas and going to the doctor and being frikkin huge...then i have to deliver another child!!!    for those of you who have not had a kid yet..  its hard.. its alot of work being pregnant and then you have to deliver a baby and i think its kinda scary and im really nrervous about doing it again so soon.

i guess i just need some support/ motivation....  

Comments (0)

There are no comments posted here yet

Need Help?

standupgirl contact becky

Search Real Stories

Share your story on StandUpGirl

Get 24 hour live support!
Optionline chat

StandUpGuy Story by Kyle

standupgirl app

Translate Our Page

enes

StandUpGirl Login

Welcome to StandUpGirl