Last night I had my first total breakdown in months, I was just a shivering, sobbing heap of misery. I felt so pathetic. I have no coping mechanism anymore for when I get like that, I've been fine for so long now that I've forgotten how that craziness feel... how strong the desire to have a baby can be, when the freshness of the past hits you anew.
I'm so desperate to cut again, just to feel that familiar sting that makes the whole world seem better again.

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