Almost a week ago I did the hardest thing possible. I terminated my pregnancy. I felt like I had no other choice. I did what I had to but it still hurts.

It started when I met this guy at a local gas station. I had seen him there a few times and we flirted back and forth until he asked me for my number. We texted for a while, then we decided to hang out. I had recently lost the love of my life.

He got into some bad things and landed himself in jail. So I was a little vulnerable. He had also gotten out of a serious relationship with a girl who's son he called "his".

Well things got easy between us. we went out to movies, parties , mud holes. We had a good time together. then we were sitting in the back of his truck at the local mud hole, just watching the sates & we had sex for the first time. stupidly with no protection.  we had done it a few more times before i found out i was PG. before I found out he told me he was going back to his ex & that we were basically over.  I was pretty upset but i thought it would get better, I was wrong.

Not even 2 weeks later I realized I had missed a period. I decided to wait a few more days until I took a test.  When I did take the test & I saw the pink lines I just froze. I didn't want to believe it. I was 1- & preggo by a guy who left me for someone else. what was i to do?

For i few days i ignored it, i just pretended it wasn't real & went on with life. then i realized i had to tell someone, it was eating away at me. I was slowly breaking. So I texted the father and said "we need to talk". he didn't reply for hours. then he said what do you need to talk about . then I told him I was pregnant and he was like "ok? and.."  I said and your the ******* father! He was like well idk what to tell you, this is crazy. so i told him i didn't know what i was going to do and I wanted him to have some kind of say. He said whatever I wanted to do.  so I said I would get back to him.

Well my sister found out and told my mom. She was supportive & told me my options. I've always kinda been against abortion, but also pro-choice.  I just never thought it was for me. Well one night I was at work & I got a call from john(the father) but I rejected and sent a text stating i was working and couldn't answer. this was the reply "this is his babymom & I wanna know if your really pregnant or not. Tell me what's going on now" I was shocked by this and I didn't know what to say so I didn't reply right away. when i got home I texted back saying "this is between me and John and if you want to know whats going on ask him". She told me she didn't give a s*** if you are, but you better give it up.

I cried and that's when I knew I'd be alone in all this. So I talked with my mom, and I made the decision to have an abortion. At the time I thought it was right. the baby's father would be in and out of its life, and would be taking care of a child that wasn't his instead of his own. S oI had to do it. I was young and felt alone. When I got the pills from the clinic I waited 2 days to insert them. Almost right away I felt pain. Maybe an hour later I began to bleed. I felt something come out of me and I went to the bathroom and on the pad I was wearing I saw my baby. It was very small and barley had any blood on it. I freaked! I began to scream and cry for my mom. She told me everything was ok and that I would be fine. The father never called or texted to see if I was ok, knowing that I was having the abortion and when. All this happened just a week ago and I feel so much regret and guilt. That was my baby and I just killed it. I'm not sure how life would be if I decided to keep it, but I know I will never forget what i saw and what I've done. I will always think of my baby and wonder what if.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Comments (1)

  1. MB

Hi there dear,
You must be struggling so much through this time...You have been very wronged. I just wanted to offer some words of hope, love and support for you during this time. You are greatly loved and no matter what, God loves you. He is...

Hi there dear,
You must be struggling so much through this time...You have been very wronged. I just wanted to offer some words of hope, love and support for you during this time. You are greatly loved and no matter what, God loves you. He is ready to heal and forgive anyone and everyone! I have added a really great post abortion resource for you, and I hope it helps: http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/.
Love and God Bless,
Maria xoxo

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