To start off with, my name is Laura. I am 19 years old now and sometimes happy and a lot of the times sad. I have a almost two year old little girl names Shiana and she is the most beautiful person to ever walk in my life. I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant with her. I was 17 when I had her. I raised her pretty much by myself and it was very hard and went through a lot of things with her father, that I wish now would have never done! I ended up doing an open adoption and still going through it with a very close women to me. Her name is Megan and has been there for me like a mom since I was 2. I love my little girl so much that I didn't want to be the kind of mother that would never be able to give my kids anything and everything they needed and wanted. But I am still in her life and watching her grow up to be the most amazing little girl of my dreams, I am very lucky and blessed my Jesus to have her!
But in between that time, I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant again and with the father of my daughter. I was always taught to never have abortions and felt very strongly against them. I was so lost and so confused and felt like I was losing everything in my life already I didn't know how I was going to be able to bring another baby into that kind of life. I went on with being pregnant and not telling anybody in my family except one of my sisters and a couple friends. I had it stuck in my head I will do better this time and stick it out to be a mom again.
I hit 9 weeks in my pregnancy and talked to one of my old friends about what I should do. He told me that he didn't know but that I should get an abortion and So did most of the people around me. So I faced that decision and decided I was going to have an abortion. About a week before my appointment, the father of the baby decided to have one of his sister's call my dad who I live with, and told him that she wanted to talk to him about some things that he should know about me. That day my dad came and picked me up from work and asked me why she wanted to talk to him about me and wanted to know what it was all about! I waited for a little bit and then had my God mother go in with me to talk to my dad, and told him I was 8 weeks pregnant! My dad flipped out on me and told me I need to learn to keep my legs shut and told me I better get an abortion! The only thing I could say back was I am having an abortion and he looked shocked, because I was finally facing a decision with out him.
For the next couple of days, I spent the next few nights with my best friend and she had found out she was pregnant to and we both decided to have the abortion together. Her appointment was an hour before mine. The morning of the appointment all I felt was being nauseated and anxious. I just wanted to get it done and over with. We got there and I got called back and they did an ultrasound and I found out that I was 9 weeks and 3 days along. I told the ultrasound tech. that I didn't want to see or know anything about the baby, but she told me how healthy and strong it was doing and how good it was growing. When she walked out I had second thoughts but didn't do anything about it.
The procedure happened and the Whole time all I could do was cry and pray to God to help and and forgive me for what I have done. I asked for him to take care of my baby and to let it know everyday how much I miss him or her and that I love him or her very much!
I got home and my dad looked at me, I told him not to talk to me right now cause I didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't stop crying and just kept wishing something wrong would have happened so I wouldn't be alive. Later that night my dad walked in my room and I told him to never make me feel like I have to do something like that again! He said he didn't tell me too. I knew it was also my decison too but he made me feel like I had to.
Everyday that goes by, I think of what I could have done to make it different and that I wish I would have ran out of that clinic. I miss my baby so much that I wish sometimes that I would be pregnant again. I still do to this day!
I don't think that any girl should have to feel like they have to do something so horrible to make sure that they have a place to live or so they can go out and have fun partying with there friends or get approvel from anyone espeically parents. Our parents are big influences on us and just because they think you are better off on doing something does not mean that you are. No matter how old you are! Don't let someone come in the way of something that will change your life for the better! Trust me! My friend that I asked for advice for isn't even my friend anymore he got what he wanted out of me and left our friendship for the dirt! But the point of it is, is that your son or daughter will always be there for you and you'll never know what love is until you are holding your child in your arms! I wish that's what I was doing right now but I just walk along feeling empty everyday!