Today is the day I was supposed to give birth to my child...I've had dreams every night this week about what it would have been like to actually have had my baby.....I had my abortion in Feburary, it was worst day and decision I have ever made in my life. The day I was going to the clinic, my mom drove with me and my boyfriend. When I got there they had to take an ultrasound, and have me fill out lots of paperwork. Once that was done they gave me a bunch of pills to take and told me to go get a good lunch. My mom took us to a restaraunt down the street and I could barely eat anything without feeling sick. Once we got back to the waiting room, I was shaking so bad. They called my name and I wanted my mom to go into the room with me, there was no way I could do it by myself. Once I was on the table my mom was sitting next to me holding my hand trying to keep me calm, I was so scared that I literally felt numb. They had given me so many pills to take, and I was inhaling some gas I couldn't feel much, physically, mentally I was hurting more than I ever have in my life. The only thing I remember is i was trying to open my eyes, but i was crying too hard to see anything through my tears. Once it was all over they sent me to the recovery room, my mom was with me for a little bit, but I wanted to see my boyfriend. They let him come in for a little bit, the second I saw him, and he saw me lying there in pain, he began to cry too......Every day since then, I haven't been able to cope with it, and I still m not able to. All I want is to have my baby back. All I can think about is getting pregnant again and having a second chance to make things right in my heart.
- Written by stillhurting