April 30th was my due date. Is it weird to keep track of something like that even though there's no baby? My ex-boyfriend who was the father, and I agreed to spend the day together, but I really don't believe it's going to be as fulfilling as I had expected. Things have changed so much between the two of us and the abortion tore us up. Neither of us could handle the stress and regret on our own, but together, we just blamed each other and took it out on the relationship. I miss him so much, and I miss the opportunity to have a choice in keeping my baby. I know I would have kept it now. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson afterwards. I would give anything to have the two of them back, but I don't feel I'm in a position to tell anyone how I feel. April has been such a hard month as it is and thinking only seems to get me down more and more. I'm going to meet him now. I don't think I could spend the day at school. All I can think about is the special day this could have been...

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