Im Amanda J(18yrs. old), Im a freashman in college and this is MY STORy. 2004 my freshman year in high school, i was ready and excited. i meet this guy who i feel in love with and after a month he took my virginity. Our relationship was strong and everything was good. In Feb.2005 i noticed that i hadn't had my period but never thought anything of it cause i hated my period anyway. I had went to a party in the end of feb. and ate so much food so the next morning it was no surprise that i woke up sick to my stomach. I thought i had food Poising.... but i was wrong. In March me and my boyfriend broke up but were messing around. One day at his house i told him i thought i was pregnant and he cursed me out, called me a lie and all kind of stuff. i sat their and cried. Skipping ahead, i had really bad morning sickness and one morning my mother was late for work and she caught me throwing up in my room cause i couldn't make it to the bathroom. she asked me did i need a doctor i told her no , she asked me was i pregnant i told her no she asked me again and i said yes. She stormed out of my room called her job told them she wasn't coming to work. She came back and told me you messed up big time, now i gotta fork our money for you to have an abortion and that was that, i had no say so. She told me not to tell my ex but i did. all he could do was look at me as i cried. When i got home that day all i did was sit inside and cry, i told my mom i didn't want to have an abortion and she said well your gonna have to tell everyone and i was 14 so i knew people would talk about me and my family would be mad at me and i really didn't have any guidence so i felt alone. my dad or any of my family ever knew. It was the end of school and two days later i had the abortion. When they did the ultra sound all i could do was look away cause i was so scared i didn't know what would happen. I was 3months pregnant. all i remember is when they rolled me out of that room after it was done, all i could do was cry and ask why . To this day it is still hard for me. i feel an empty space in my heart and i don't know how to deal with it. Me and my ex were still messin around up until 12th grade. We are friends now and he's the only connection i feel that i have to my baby. everytime i look at a picture of us i think about our child, i wounder what it was (girl or boy) everytime i see a pregnant woman i want to ball tear. everytime i see a baby i get sad. i feel i'll never be right until i have a child of my own and i really can't do that now because im in college but then i look at all these other teenage mother who are making it and it's an inspiration. but still who gets pregnant just to do it. I just don't want anyone to go through this situation. it's not worth it. Just today in my public speaking class a girl gave a speech on Abortion and it hurt me to my soul. She made it clear that Abortion isn't an easy way out..... i could have easily given my child up for adoption. It sucks so bad to be in this situation still. But i pray that i make it and i pray that no one chooses this road cause it's not an easy one .
- Written by amabrijac