When I started seeing my son's dad I never imagined us raising a child together in two homes with all the complications that come along with it. It was a secret fling that only we and a couple of close friends knew about. He didn't want anyone to know we were together becuase he had just split up with his girlfriend and didn't want her to think it was for me and I was actively attending church and didn't want to be obvious about the life I was living behind closed doors. We had been together for a couple of months in the past but it was never a serious thing so no one though it strange for us to be around each other so much, after all we were friends, almost as close as family. At that point his family considered me family and my daughter called his parents grandpa and grandma becuase they encouraged her to do so. They were there for me if my car broke down, or I needed groceries, you name it. Until, March 31st 2004. I found out I was pregnant by him, even though according to us we were not seieng each other, right??? Now my son is 3 years old. Over the last 3 years his dad has had many girlfriends and that is the only itme he comes around is when he is in a relationship. His family still buys gifts for the kids but we are never invited over for Thanksgiving any more or any other events like that. His mo and stepdad are still involved with me and my husband though becuase we knew them from church before we were even together and before the whole dating my sons dad thing. Anyways I have been struggling lately becuase his dad has a girlfriend and it is a steady thing so he has been taking him every other weekend since Father's day. My son comes home doing things that he is not allowed to do here and this morning he was repeatedly saying "F**K" and I asked him what he was saying in a calm voice and he just replied, my daddy's house. It is really hard trying to teach him good things and to correct bad behavior when I have to give him up every other weekend to someone who doesn't live or speak to the standard we do in our home. Back when I got pregnant with him I was still smoking pot and going to the bar and using foul language (not in front of my daughter though). I never though of the consequesnces, I never thought that I would be clean and sober and not use bad words. I don't judge those who do but still when it comes to the kids, use a clean mouth around the kids, don't smoke around the kids, don't drink in front of the kids. If you are not worried about your won standard worry about your kids standards. They don't deserve it. My son didn't ask for me to be all lust filled and have secret sex with his dad. It just happened and I got pregnant and I grew up and started making better choices and his dad didn't. That is the life I have given my son becuase I was too busy thinking of what I wanted and when I wanted it. I was not content to stay home with my daughter on the weekend, I had to go party. I had not learned my lesson the first time around and "it would never happen to me again". Now I have to share my precious son with a guy that smokes around him and obviously uses bad words around him. I can only control my part when he is home to correct the things he learns over there but if I had waited to have sex until I was married to a man who shared my same values and promised to commit to me forever like I did this time I wouldn't have had to worry about my son the way I do. I am conviced that if I had waited that I would still have my little Jeremiah James, he would just have different genetics. It jsut really breaks my heart to read about how so many girls want to have babies with these guys they have only known for a short time. Once you have a baby you will grow up whether the dad does or not and more times than not, he will not change and you will have major disagreements about how you want your child to be raised. Save yourself the grief,save your child the grief. Don't act impulsively for the wrong reasons. If a guy wont wait till marriage to have sex then he is not worth it. Tell him no and let his true colors show, it is better to break up now than it is when you just find out you are pregnnat and he doesn't even call you for 5 months and shows up with his new girlfriend at the hospital when you have the baby, and then walks in and out of the childs life and sets a poor example. Once you are pregnant though you can't turn back, abortion is wrong and it is not a "quick fix" or an "easy way out". If you are pregnant there is lways a new beginning waiting for you, it just might be harder, but if you are not pregnant stop having sex now before you end up with a heartbroken child who doesn't understand why he/she is being raised in two different homes. If your boyfriend smokes pot or drinks a lot or smokes cigarretes or cusses like a sailor, imagine your baby being around that and ask yourself, do I really want a baby with him?? Like I said when you are prengnat you will change, your eyes will be opened and you will be given this strong drive to protect your child and it is very dificult when you are protecting your child from their other parent. A child will naturally cling to the parent they see less and cry for them and ask for them all the time so when they do see that parent they will mimic their every move and gesture, look at this guy you want a baby with and ask yourself, do I want my child to do the things he does??? Sorry for rambling so much, I am in a tough spot right now and I just hope that by sharing this there will be one less person in my spot one day...Love Meg

Comments (6)

  1. renee

Hey there girl! Thanks for writing in and sharing some very hard stuff. This is a safe place and the people here are so caring. I'm sorry you must feel alone and anxious in this situation....you aren't alone! There are many girls who have...

Hey there girl! Thanks for writing in and sharing some very hard stuff. This is a safe place and the people here are so caring. I'm sorry you must feel alone and anxious in this situation....you aren't alone! There are many girls who have made it through your story....and there is strength for this time. I am glad that you have thought of keeping or giving your child to a good home. I'm sure deep down you know what you want, but there are fears and obstacles that seem too ginormous - don't make any decision due to fear. In the end you live with that choice, so take some time to think it through, find some help and counsel. I really do suggest looking for a pregnancy help center near you, optionline.org (plug in zip code...and find one . They can give FREE and CONFIDENTIAL help for your situation. They will have resources for pregnancy, post pregnancy, and figuring out what/how to deal with the father. It sounds to me that he's had a rough time taking care of himself, let alone you and the future baby. He's going to need some help, and perhaps you out of the picture could end up a motivation? And you will need some support as you journey through everything, so I will pray you find healthy and solid help. I am just so grateful you are already reaching out. Listen to your gut, the what if I keep this baby? I'm sure there is legal help too if you are nervous for that....and know that giving your child to a loving family is a great gift for your child and from personal experience, it is the biggest gift to the family. I know you love that baby, and I know you will do what is loving for it. Many blessings, and write back if you'd like to talk more or tell me how things are going!!! <3 Renee

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  1. mayra cece

your not smart!!!!!

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  1. mayra cece

this is the dumbest site that i havev ever visited!!!!!!!

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  1. Tina    mayra cece

@Mayra I have no idea why you are even on this site!! You even taking the time to make ridiculous negative comments just amazes me. These girls are here looking for support and advice, not to endure ignorant people as yourself.. Grow up!!

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  1. Tina

c

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  1. Tina

I see your post is from January and I hope that things are working better.. If they are not I would like to tell you that you are not alone and there are several resources and options out there that you may not even realize at the moment. First...

I see your post is from January and I hope that things are working better.. If they are not I would like to tell you that you are not alone and there are several resources and options out there that you may not even realize at the moment. First I would like to say that whether you are still pregnant ot not that your boyfriend's way of living is not the healthiest for you as you are obviously working hard on your future by going to school and his actions will potentially drag you down with him. I have access to many options and resources that may be beneficial to you, and would be happy to discuss them with you or help answer any questions you may have. Feel free to email me at queentmm70@yahoo.com

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