So a little bit of an update...I finally found a (very very VERY tiny) flat for me and my husband-to-be...words cannot express the pick-and-mix of emotions I am feeling right now. All good mind you, but just crazy. I'm someone who has never really had to be truely independant of my Mum. And while there were times when I stayed at my fiance's place when he moved reallty far away (sometimes for so long my mum ended up yelling at me to come home and get my ass back in school-but thats another story!LOL!) that safety net was always there whenever I neede to come home cause things weren't going perfect. It's so wierd because I have been wanting this for so long but now it's definately happening in a few short weeks (Feb 1st to be precise) it almost feels like some sort of death...Just like when I left the safety net of my secondary school. Even though it was utter hell for me I was scared when the time came that i had been yearning for so much because it's the unknown. It's not something you can switch your telly over to E!entertaniment and see a preveiw of. It's me and him now. No parents, no handouts, no safety nets. i'm so excited to start my life with my fiance and incredibly intrigued as to how our lives will shape out and how we will deal with our shared life together. But there was a little droplet of intense, anxious and unrelenting fear inside of me. Especially because us moving in together commences the begging of 'The Mission'. We won't have to worry about getting caught, being quiet, waiting till someone's asleep, finding hotel rooms or any of the other obstacles that have prevented us actively trying to get me with child. It's just us. I don't know why that scares me so much but I guess it's because it's actually real. Before we knew that we were unprotected but because we weren't able to 'try' in the true sense of baby-making lingo it wasn't really a solid fixture in our minds. Almost a blaze' notion in our young heads. But now real-life begins. In the next couple of months we'll probably be sharing news of our achievement and spending hours glowing over the fact we are going to be parents in 9 short months from then. But I'm not stupid. I know what an enourmous life changing and amazing thing we're about to do...stepping into adulthood and shaking off our final inches of molly-cuddle fluff . We are our own family now. And even before baby arrives or even is made we are all we have. Sure when the dirt hits the fan and and we are down to the bone we'll always have our extended families, mothers fathers, brothers etc etc, but, they will be our extended families, an extension of me and him. Family outside our own.
So anyway, being 19 (if your counting years gone by since my birth), young, smart and having never done this before I wanted to scour the internet for wise advice from those who have done this already. As I had just finished my daily check into SUG I was more looking towards things such as articles, blogs adn Yahoo Answers. I wanted to especially find advice given to people doing this or who have done this at the same age as me. Babies and all.
Nothing but nothing but pure negetivity...
What is it with this supposedly advanced society we live in ?? It seems that to frolic around sharing bodily fluids and unspeakable actions with whoever is wearing the latest D&G suit or has the cutest dimples or simply takes your fancy on that particular night of nights is more acceptable and encouraged than finding a life partner, sticking with him/her, getting married, having babies and working hard to fulfill your promises of till Death us do part. Now I am not one to advise anyone to rush and marry the first seemingly suitable suitor. But seriously is it so bad that a young woman of 19 and a young man of 21 should find their soulmate, fall truely, madly, deeply and irreversibly in love and love eachother till their dying day? Is it so bad if these two young people instead of holding off 15 years to allow them to come to an age where the world sees it fit for them to be capable of undying love, these two people decide to get married and create a family of their own? Is it so wrong that these two young people are not at the very tip top of their carer ladders when they decide to create life? Who decided that children and mariage is an end to your life? Who said that young people can not be capable of being good parents and raising beautiful, healthy, loveing, smart, intellegent children that becose assets to their society? Who said so? Who said that because I'm not 35 I'm going to be a bad mother or because we're young the state will have to pay for our babies?
I got so tired of hearing such horrid negetivity and came back home to SUG...in this sea of hideous doubt...SUG was the positive light I needed.
...Special thankyou to the SUG team and MAJOR props to the young couples and young parents who smile in the face of adversity....(yeh, i know it's hard but never is it impossible!)
PEACE OUT! :D