As you probably gathered from my other (sightly poetic and aloof) blog entry: my cousin aborted the baby. She has said (or so I heard) that it was her decision so what can I say really? I tried. At least it's not for the sake of some loser idiot boy (at least I hope) but can't pretend I'm not disappointed in her. Not that she needs to know thst but still...whats done is done and cannot be reversed the baby is gone and her problems are 'solved'. Bah.
On to my life... Me and my fiance have decided that it's better for my mental health that we take a break from all the hoping ,wishing praying and begging for a baby. We still really want to have a baby but we both realised that it was making me miserble and everything was getting really stressed. Its funny because the day I decided to mentally and emotionally step back from the intensity of it all, I realised how much my future husband wants this. its not that I've changed my mind at all it's just that with all thats gone on over the past few months our life and relationship has been really stressful and draining. We haven't just had fun and enjoyed eachother for so long and I want that back PROPERLY...to just be US without the stress and strain. I love him so much. I can't wait to have our baby and we haven't returned to using contraceptives but have really and conciously said to ourselves and eachother that God will decide, what will be will be and when it happens we will deal with it then. Plus my body is only just beginning to come back to normality after being on the Pill (well apparently it takes about 5-8 months so in actual fact that may not be the case quite yet and that is something I have to accept and allow nature to work on.
But we aren't going to get stressed about getting pregnant now (Now! NOW!!) but instead take time to love, cherish, enjoy and appreciate eachother and get our life straight. God will bless us soon but it's up to him to decided HOW SOON...
And I say to all the girls out there who are down, depressed, feeling defeated and inadequete or sad because they haven't concieved yet...Don't let it take over your life...love your boyfriend/fiance/husband right, enjoy him and don't miss out on himbecause you've spent so much time aching for a baby that it's the only thing you think about (believe me I can relate!) because you have been blessed with someone that loves you and you can never get the time you chose to be sad about not being pregnant instead of just loving your man back...
Good luck love and best wishes to everyone (I'm not leaving Stand-up Girl-just wanted to end my blog with luv for everyone!)
PS. I'm here if anyone wants to talk or needs advice or whatever! :)