Baby, I got you on my mind isn't just the title of a song. I really was thinking about a second baby -- my friends still can't believe how absolutely incurably clucky I am, nor my wish to have five more children when I already know how much work one is.
But I've thought about it. It isn't the fact that it isn't financially or emotionally viable -- oh, it is, especially financially; I've being in the welfare system long enough to know how this absolutely retarded system works. It isn't that I couldn't handle another child -- I know I could. It had nothing to do with that.
I just thought, would I really be able to do something like that to another human being? Would I really be able to go that low? How could I look that child in the eye? Are these my values, or is it only the analytical realist part of me talking?
I'm not going to have a second baby, because I just wouldn't be able to do something like that. I'm not focusing on finding Mr. Right either -- he'll stumble into my life when it's time; and if he never does, well, sucks to be me ay.
I guess for now I'm going to focus on my baby boy, on my career (the non-existent one that doesn't want to get anywhere off the ground, but I'm still trying lol), and just having a good time in life with my friends and watching my son grow.
For now that's going to be my life. I know I REALLY want a second child, I REALLY REALLY want a second child. But I don't think that's really up to me to decide -- I guess it's up to God. So for now....well, there's not going to be baby number two. And the future...well, nobody knows what that's going to look like anyway.