I've been with this kid for about two years. I can honestly say I love him with every single ounce of my being. I've spent a lot of time obsessing over him. I made him my whole life. He's gorgeous, charming, and everything I've ever wanted. Plus on top of everything he accepted me and with that I accepted myself ... finally. He began to change over a short amount of time and not in a good way either. I'm not sure If I was in too deep then to leave or if I just wanted to be the one who made everything better for him. He started calling me names, putting his hands on me, and a week after I lost my virginty to him he cheated on me and slept with another girl. No matter what he did to me I would take him back. I wasn't okay without him. I didn't know who I was and because of that It was easy to get back with him and let him continue to mold me. Pretty soon I was so weak that he controlled everything about me. I lost my friends, spent time in jail, upset my family, and it didn't affect me because he was still my boyfriend. But he wasn't a boyfriend at all he wasn't there for me and he abused me in every way possible. The cheating continued and my self worth also continued to deteriate. I figured if i got pregnant with his child if he left the pain of ending the relationship would be a lot easier. After I got pregnant the abuse and cheating just got worse. And leaving the relationship was not any easier. The last time he cheated on me I gave up. I didn't scream and throw fits so he could see my anger, I didn't fight the girl like I had so many times in the past, and I never let him see a tear fall from my eyes. I just was gone. I put myself together the best I could and never talked to him again. This is all still really recent so I'm scared. I'm afraid to fall back into his trap when I feel empty, I'm afraid of one more time were I find myself screaming "Don't hurt my baby" while he throws me and his child around, and I'm afraid of my little boy knowing this man. I'm now six months pregnant and facing the biggest struggle of my life. Raising a child alone doesn't scare me, but being without him destroys me. I've been through things people would consider a lot harder than this but this strikes me as the worst possible situation. I pray to God for strength because without it I will make a lot of bad decisions for me and my son.
- Written by HOODwife54