And then I got to uni.

I did a lot of things I regret, but maybe I needed them. Sometimes I didn't go to lectures; I went for walks instead. I looked at the birds and the trees, and really appreciated everything. I did a lot of stupid things, and I must have acted irrationally. I still wasn't sure where I was or how I had ended up here.

I wore the most ridiculous outfits; I wanted to be so pretty, so succesful, so everything. For the first semester, I put my baby into daycare for four long days of every week, and I would sometimes spend them by myself, sitting there, and sometimes memories would come to my mind, and I didn't like that. Maybe it was good that I had four months to understand that I was finally safe. Maybe. But I still wish I had spent more time with my little baby.

But my baby grew up, and I finally realised that time didn't stand still. What was yesterday was quickly turning into today, and I had to make the most of it. My baby turned one, and I realised I had to stop doing what I was doing.

I got back up on my feet. In fact, I found them again. I found my voice; nobody was going to scare me into submissiveness again. I didn't want to fear my past. I found that I was worth something; that this body is worth something, it belongs to ME and I decide what happens with it, not somebody else.

That my feelings counted; that when I said things, I wasn't lying, I was telling the truth, telling my side of the picture.

I learned to put yesterday behind and try to focus on today, and tomorrow, but mostly today. For today is only here for one day.

And now my little baby, that yesterday was just born, is not a baby anymore, nor a toddler. My baby is a little boy now, who understands so much of what is going on around him.

If not for me, it's for him I needed to find my feet again. And it seems I may actually have done that. I can look back on yesterday and say, I've being there, I saw that.

But I'm not there anymore, I'm here. I'm here living for today. Because that's the only day I'm going to have to live it. One day, and one day only.

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