So this is my story... its long and confusing so i will do my best to keep it as simple as possible.

Im 19, but this all started when i was 16.. i met this boy named john at the place i worked. he was really nice and we became fast friends... we ended up spending every day together... but we were both seeing other people so nothing came out of it. we were just good friends...

  after a while we both realized we had feelings for eachother. and we broke it off with our others to see what happened between us. and let me tell you. it was amazing. He became my best friend. he was there for me when my dad hit me... he taught me to stand up to him and protect myself. he was there for me when i decided enough was enough and i moved out at the age of 17 to get away from my father. he was even there when i decided to move 8 hours away to go to college... he still supported me even though it ment we would only see eachother once a month....

Leaving him was the hardest thing ive ever done... we talked every day. And i missed him terribly... At this time i was still a virgin. and i wanted the man that i loved to be my first... not some random guy.... and john wasnt... be he never pressured me into anything... he knew id do it when i was ready.... and so i left for college... we talked every night for hours... we texted all day long... and i came home once a month to see him.... we were amazing. i loved him to death...

and around febuary of 2007 we got into our first big fight.... and we both said a  lot we didnt mean... but we ended up not talking for 2 months! i tried calling him every day, crying into his voicemail... telling him i was sorry for causeing the fight and that i missed him and loved him... but i never got an answer... after a while i stopped calling and i started hanging out with another boy..but i still loved john so much.... one day i found out he was dating another girl.... i fell apart.... he promised me he would never leave and that hed always be there for me and that it would be him and i forever... we talked abot our kids and where we were going to live and pets and everything... i was planning on marrying him....but i found out he was dating somone else... 

and so i told myself that if he was over me i needed to get over him... so i did something very stupid... since my virginity was going to be my gift to him something i wanted him to have... i decided that i didnt want to keep it anymore that i didnt want it to be special because it would only make it harder because i loved him so much... so this guy i was talking to at the time i ended up having sex with.... like 3 times... and soon after john started talking to me again.... and i could ever keep anything from him.... so i told him what happened and he said he only had the girlfriend to make me jealous... and i felt horrible and i hust him so much by sleeping with this other kid... ecause he knew that i was going to give him my virginity when i was ready to... he was so hurt thta i could do something like that.... but we decided that we could stilll be best friends...

so from feb to august we were just friends... i didnt go home to visit and he kept the gf he had... and i tried to get over him.... and i thought i was getting there... and than on august 8th 2007... i was in a horrible car accident... it rolled my car 5 times accross the mass turnpike... i was taken to the hospital and had emeregency surgery... and the first thing i thought was if i die he wont know how much i still love him.... and he was the first person i called... and when i got home he was the onyl person i wanted to see...

i ended up having half of my thumb amputated and really screwing up my left hand.... and he was there by my side thru it all... but he still had a gf and she didnt like that he was with me so much... but he didnt care... i was his best friend and i almost died he wasnt leaving my side... and he never did... i had a lot of emotional problems and physical ones.. and no matter what time or when he would always be ther for me...drop whatever he was doing to be y my side when i needed him... one day i finally got the courage to tell him i still loved him... and he told me he didnt feel the same anymore... that he was happy with his current gf... and that all he wanted out of our relationship was best friends.. so i swallowed it...and i was his best friend...

 well after a month or 2 he and his gf broke up and he and i have always been attracted to eachother... and i still love him so on his birthday.... we ended up finally having sex... i was shaking so bad because i had waited 4 years for that... even tho he wasnt my first it still ment a lot...but we decided to keep it as best friends.... not dating... which is hard for me because even now i still love him so much... he has always been there and always will.... we had sex twice and that has been it...

but im now spotting.... i dont have a flow.. my breasts are tneder and sore, im soooo moody...and i never am.....im on the pill but i missed one at the beginning of october.... and my peroid is always the same..... and its very odd right now... im hungry a lot too and im scared because im only 19 but im ook with it because i know he would never let me go thru this alone... hed be y my side thru it... weve been thru everything together... but i havnt told him i think i might be pregnant yet becuase i dont want to worry him when it might be nothing...

all this is just happening at a very bad time... i just had my thumb mputated 2 months ago... and im still healing and recovering and such... and im trying to get back into school for the january semester.... and now i might be pregnant... 

 my parents are very old fashion and this isnt going to sit well with them.... and im scared that if i am and my dad hits me it will hurt the baby... but  im ok with either or... being or not being i just hate not knowing....

 so if anyone has any advice or feed back on my story jut let me know... id love totalk to someone about everything.

 thanks.

bopeep

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