I'm not a teenager. I'm not alone. I'm not childless.

I'm in my 30s. I've been married for more than 11 years. I have 5 children with my husband. We love having a big family, our marriage is stronger than it's ever been...but now I'm pregnant again and he does not want another baby.

 He's been very vocal since I was pregnant with #5 (who is almost a year old) that he wants no more children, period. I respected this. I took my pill every day. I'm not sure how this happened, but it did. I suspect it happened around the time I had the flu and nothing was staying down.

Regardless of how it happened, the truth is that it happened. And now he wants me to have an abortion. I told him it's all fine and dandy until you're the one thinking about it. It all comes home then, and I just can't do it.

So, despite not being alone, I am. I am more confused and scared now than I was when I was 19, single and pregnant with my first child. I never would have expected this reaction from my husband. Four of our five were unexpected and it was always ok, he was always supportive.

 Now he's wishing I'd have a miscarriage because he knows I won't abort. He keeps calling and emailing me to see if I'm bleeding and showing obvious disappointment when I tell him I'm not.

I am so alone.

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