and the results are as anticipated because the shock of actually being pregnant never did feel "real" and i am always soo dissapointed. but this time, i know this was for the best.

so, if you havent already guessed it, im not pregnant.

but, i have a few things to confess about my life at this current time. as ive mentioned before, mark and i own a house together which we purchased last year and we have a bunch of animals which i like to refer to as my zoo.

over the past few months i have been going through another "baby faze" as i like to put it. i get frusterated about all the animals in our house and how much easier it would be to have 1 baby instead of 3 dogs, 2 cats, a hampster and 3 fish. then something happens and i snap out of it. usually its a pregnancy scare resulting in a negative test, but the worry of it all suddenly making me realize that i should appreciate my life for what it is and enjoy our youth, and working towards setting up an even better envirement for our future children. but always saying, if it happend by accident then we would be happy, well now, id rather it go as planned.

and this is what changed it all... last friday there was a sudden change of events. two of my dogs escaped from our yard and dissapeared for 3 hours in the pouring rain. i have never been so terrified in my life. in the course of looking for them, i had a good 20 minute conversation with god, praying for forgiveness of the things i had thought and said and begging for my dogs to just be okay. i promised him, if i could just hold them in my arms again, i would never ask for my life to change again. i would appreciate my life for the wonder of it, take care of the family we do have and strive for a stronger future.

i found them 10 minutes later. and now,  i refuse to break my promise. i feel as if i was given a second chance and i wont let him down.

mark and i talked last night, and we decided when we are 23 we will start trying. that is a year and a half away. and then we will have the baby hopefully a year after that. so, in 2.5 years when are bills are paid off, we will have a newborn, and we will be 24. i couldnt be happier.

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