It's been a long time coming- but I’d like to tell my whole story for all you all!

I was sixteen and a half years old. My boyfriend and I had been together for 10 months when I realised I was pregnant. I knew all about sex and babies and condoms… but I was in love! I also had a fabulous home life, so it wasn’t as if I was looking for affection that I didn&rsquo ;t get at home. I truly don’t remember telling him I thought I may be pregnant- but I do remember when we told his mother. I wanted to speak to my mom first of course… but my boyfriend was in a hurry and told his mom- who was a midwife. She bought the pregnancy test- which still took an hour back then- and I went home and waited. My then boyfriend called me with the results! I begged him to come over and at least just hold me or something… When my ex told his mother I thought I may be pregnant, she gave me an injection; to either abort an early pregnancy or to start my period if it was just slow... at least that's what she said. I didn’t ask what it was and she didn’t tell me. That didn’t work, so a coupla days later she gave me two flat, white, rectangular tablet thingies to, um… insert into myself. Again- I didn’t ask- and those didn’t do anything either. If I think now, of the risks I took then, by allowing his mother to medicate me any way she saw fit… I shudder to think about it! And then his mother phoned my mother, and told her she had a doctor all lined up to perform a termination and that she would pay for it all (even though abortion was still illegal in South Africa back then). This was only a week or so after I did the pregnancy test and it was already clear in my mind that- although I hadn't admitted it out loud to anyone- his mother didn’t want to know anything about my baby. I was still in love with my baby’s father though, and I hoped we could work something out for my son’s sake, even though I had no interest in getting married. Then when he told me about a family counseling session they’d had and how it had come out in the session that my ex’s family thought they had enough to deal with without an illegitimate child in the mix- I knew things weren’t going to work out and we broke up shortly afterwards. Honestly? I don't think he should have told me what his family had decided in their counseling session… if he hadn't, we could very probably had a perfectly "normal" weekend parenting setup with maintenance and shared holidays and so on... but in a way I think he wanted to get off the hook- and he knew that telling me what his parents had said was an angle he could use, even if it was only subconsciously. I think I was about 10 weeks pregnant by then. We broke up shortly after our first anniversary. There were no lawyers, and there was no paperwork involved. Everything was verbal. I spoke to him a few times again- when we saw each other. After we split, we were still writing our high school exams “together” and each time I saw him I tried to delude myself into thinking that we could at least be friends for my son’s sake. Then after December 1990 we didn’t see each other or speak again.

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