depressed hand on head Hi I’m Santanah, and I’m from the Bronx, NY. In March of 2006, I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. This was three weeks after my 15th birthday. I I first, told my cousin and automatically she said — abortion. I wasn’t sure so I told her yea and then a week before I was scheduled to get it done I finally spoke out that I didn’t want to have an abortion.

I was crying and everything and my mom was crying. At the time, I didn’t really know what I could have done to keep my baby? My boyfriend wanted me to keep the baby and so I was stuck.

 

I went along with my cousin and my mom and had the abortion this past April. I was so depressed and cried everyday.. Then the doctors put me on birth control and in May I switch from the pill to the shot and. At the time, I took a pregnancy test and it came out negative. So they went ahead and gave me the shot.

I was schedule for another shot in August but in July I felt tired and I had to pee a lot. I took a home test and it came out POSITIVE. OMG. My boyfriend and I were so shocked but still it felt like —  wow.  Again, he wanted me to keep it and I did too, so much, because the first abortion was horrible and I didn’t want to feel that way again.

So I went in on the 1st and they told me I was 12 weeks. At the prenatal appointment,  they took an ultrasound. When I saw it moving I felt like crying. I felt so connected to it. They told me I wasn’t 12 weeks but 15 weeks and 2 days along. Wow.

The following week I was to find out if it was a boy or girl. Again wow. But then, of course, I told my mom and she said that I have to get an abortion. I cried. I prayed. I was even ready to move out since my boyfriend was 18 and he could rent a room.

I was determined not to have an abortion.

But again they started telling me how his mother is going to hate me. How he is going to hate me, and more… until I finally gave in. I cried and cried.

Ever since that day, I no longer really talk with my mom. She tries to talk to me but I feel as though I can’t trust her and I can’t believe she made me kill my baby.

It’s now about 5 months later, and I still cry when I see pregnant women or babies. January 31st  would have been my due date!