pregnancy test upsetI look around me right now and I’d be lucky to find a few people with kids. I’m in a uni computer lab.

I’m getting really frustrated. It’s block exams week, and I have work to do. I have a lot of work to do. All these people have time to stay here until night time, go for a break and get a coffee, stay up all night and study and then fall asleep as sunrise comes.

I get angry and I get jealous. All those things said about having no kids while you’re young is good in terms of the amount of free time you get, I think. I wish I had so much free time.

And then logic kicks in, and I realize that what other people say isn’t quite that true really. Some of those same people say don’t have kids while you study, then they say don’t have kids because it takes time to establish a career, then career becomes the whole basis for your life, and then at forty those who followed that advice might turn around and say, oh rats, I’ve missed my biological train, and grieve about it.

And all these people sitting around me, they’re not as free as the media would have me believe sometimes. They have jobs, a lot of them work two jobs as well, they volunteer at things, they have friends and boyfriends who they don’t always get to see. These same people that I’m getting jealous of about studying their butts off late into the night at uni might not actually be able to either because they work.

And then, who really cares about staying here that late? So, those that can get to stay here in the company of books and nice modern architecture and read things about x and y and torts.

I get to go home with my little boy, and he’s so much fun! Dinner, play, bath, drink of milk, bedtime…It’s always the same, and yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And that’s when I suddenly realize these people might be able to stay here at night, but at the end of the day, I would hate to be them. I wouldn’t trade what I’ve got for anything…ANYTHING…in the world. Who’d want to, if they had a choice between the smile of an angel and the monotonous sounds of keyboards tapping away?